Well, hi... I have decided to only blog when im happy.. So i wun spread all the depression around... Haha... So im bored now at home... OH!! I forgot to say.. I wun be blogging bout depressing stuff too.. Trying to get my mind of them.. It's that counted as running away from the problem? Dun think so lah...

Well, went to J8 today with Yeni, Jessika and Fateha... It was fun.. Very fun indeed.. We meant to watch a movie but there were no nice ones available.. So we just took for walking around at fooling around.. We took Neoprints too.. Pretty darn funny, the way the pictures turned out.. So funny.... And we had LITHIUM.. SODIUM... and I forgot whats the element of Jessika's.... Mine was not an element.. Mine special.. Haha.. DADA... Haha....

School today was pretty ok.. Cos we had exams.. So no bullshit in my class.. All was well... Hmmmm, CL exam was ok for the compo and all.. But when it came to paper two.. It all went down the drain.. I pretty much brushed thru it cos i didn't bother... I obviously had no idea what they were talking about... It was absolutely alien words man.. Could have sworn i saw some strange words.. But i guess that's Chinese.. Weird... And fucking difficult.. Haha... Im racist!!!! towards my own race??? WTF???

Haha... Bloody sia.. This com like radiation power too strong or what? Always use com only kena headache seh.. Damn computer.. Feel so hypnotised now.. Kuku sia.. Ok.. I'll finish here.. Bye!

Well, three days.. three days and i've managed to make my life worse than it already was... Sometimes i really admire myself... How can i make things worser than worse? I just managed to bring myself lower everytime i try to climb back up.. How cool am i man.. Tell me im super pathetic... Wanna know how low im at now? How do you describe an indescribble feeling of cheapness, low-life freakness, and pathetic loserfied-ness? Erm, i gues.. it's.... indescribable?

Hmmm, my head's spiining so fast right now its kinda a miracle i can type properly... My hands are weak man but still strong ebnough to type.. I think im having conussion.. The doctor says im fine.. yesterday.. But he asked me to observe myself for one or two days.. One day have passed and my condition's worsening.. How is that possible? Im dying man.. I think my brain's bleeding.. Is that even physically possible? Bleeding brain.. Sounds sadistic enough for me.... Can i ever die from a bleeding brain? Oh fuck.. My bum-bm's getting itchy.. I cant scratch it. It causes intense pain to my head.. Fuck... Go away itchiness!! Go away!!!

Well, im alone at home.. Prolly i should take my mom's advice and go to my grandma's place.. So i wun think so much and try to kill myself... Hmmm, but i need time to think now... I need to think of an explaination that consist of the truth.. I owe my family an explaination.. And from the looks of most of my friends.. I owe them an explaination too... Well, you see, ais.. She's prolly trying to figure me out... Logen, he WANTS to noe what im thinking. Jimmy, he thinks im crazy and he isn;t talking to me much. Harris... Wants me to play LAN.. Gladys, teases me everytime she sees me about FIRE!!!! Lauren... Wants to noe if my bum-bum's okay.. Cindy, she wants me to change.. She says she's concern... DADA.. I think he hates me.. Or at least dislike me for the way i am now...

Hmmm, talking bout the way i am... Have you realise how vulnerable i am lately? It's like, a pretty good time for you people to bully the heck out of me cos for fuck, i wun even retaliate.. Prolly cos i have no strength or its maybe just becos i dun bother... Haha.. Funny.... My eyes are starting to close.. Am i gonna faint soon? Fuck it.. Better post now before i black out.. Bye!

Heys... Ssup.. Im really sorry if im spreading too much negative feelings lately man... Truly, im sorry... Just that my life have been pretty much shitty these days and nothing's going right for me. So i really hope ya'all understand... Haha... Seems like everybody's pretty busy these days.. Nobody seem to be online alot except me... Haha...

Well, went to SENTOSA today with my family(excluding Wilson & Clar).. It was absolutely fun!! Cos the beach we went to wasn't THAT crowded. And the water was quite clear. Haha.. I hate crowded places. Especially in beaches or swimming pools. Probably cos ill feel inferior to some people with nice bodies or whatever.. Haha. Bleah~ Hmmmm... Oh!! I saw a crab while "snorkelling" with my dad.. And i scream like fuck sia.. Haha.. Then he keep laughing at me.. And we also saw this really looooong seaweed that looks sooo much like a sea snake that it made me jump onto my dad and scream my fucking heads off. And thanks to him i scream until my throat pain now.. Everytime scare me.. He know i scared of fish then anyhow scare. Wa lau... But i was glad we spent some time together.

Well, all these beachy stuff is making me miss Tioman like crazy. Really.. Im like absolutely wishing im in Tioman right now.. This is the first time i actually miss a island so much.. I mean i've been there about twice or thrice and i already treat it like a second home... The feeling's there, ya'know? I love Pulau Tioman... It's da best place EVER!!!! HAha.. Maybe that's because i haven't been to Maldives... Or other wondeful dive places.... Haha.. Yeah.. Probably....

Well, DADA and i have been pretty much bickering and talking nonsense this days... But there were a few really sweet moments.. Ahahaha.. Im crazy lah.. I know.. But seriously, i cant help but feel "loved"? whenever im sms-ing him or even just, y'know? Looking at him.... He's like, he's... erm.... he's really super attractive, sweet, charming, humourous, wonderful, absolutely what i want and duh!!! I love him... Haha.... Haiz... Lets not talk about "some" thiongs we talked about.... Especially these few days.. Make me wanna do something stupid again... Cos it's addictive.. Especially when you're feeling down.. It gets to you.. Really.. Trust me...

The reason why im not so depressed anymore is maybe cos im kinda getting immuned to the pain.. Either THAT! Or it's cos my life's turning back to normal or should i say... Getting better.... I seriously hope it's the first one cos i'd rather get immuned to it then NOT get immuned to it then suffer the pain all over agian next time my life goes back down that scary freaky lane of darkness...

Haha... I wrote many many many MANY poems in this period... Haha.. I guess the people who are praising my poems are making me feel so confident that im wanting to write more and more and NEVER STOP!!! Haha... That sounds crazy.. But eh.. Actually that's a plan.. I can totally write soooo many poems then next time sell them to public then earn money... Haha... Funny.. Will so never happen.. Like DUH!!!! Loserfied....

Okays.. I think im gonna sleep now.. Or maybe not.. I dunno.. See!! I can't even make decisions now.. Such a failure.. such.... a.... failure... Haiz..... Saddening case..... Sorry man.. For the depressive thoughts again... Is there even such a word as depressive? WTF?!?!?!

Well, nothing much to update on except the fact that im wishing to die and hoping never to see this world again.. Yeah... Maybe so.... Im really in a bad shape right now ah.. If you touch my bolster, you'll know.. It bears the mark of the pain i've been going thru... Well, That's bout the summary of my life this past three or four days... Yepps...

I just finished my SS project and just sent it to Cindy.. Phew... No more stressing out on how to summarise it for her.. Haha.. Nice... School's been kinda tough lately.. With all the shit going on in my life.. School's adding a few tons to the weight on my shoulder... Mid year's coming and i haven even started to study.. I so need to buck up in one week or im dead like dead... I'll get slaughtered... Eh? WAIT!!! Isn't exactly what i want??? Hmmmm, good thinking mandy....

As you can see, mandy's going bonkers so i hope ya'all can understand.. Well, i wanna thank a few people during these past few days.... Especially Aryani.. She helped a great deal.. Really.. I kinda felt like she was the only one there for me ah.. But i know there are many more... Oh.. And Jimmy Yam Fu Hua also.. He sang me mary had a little lamb to sleep.. How nice... Haha.. And of cos, not to forget DADA... He was really sweet and all lah... Being a friend and all he tried to console me and asked me togo to sleep.. Well, i took his advice but it kinda didn't work.. The next moring i woke up, the situation became worse. But i still appreciate the effort though.. Haiz...

While some people are doing good deeds by helping me, some others were being big fucked up bi-atch... Those are the people who will never understand me... And who will never gain my full trust... Yeah... And there were also some who wanted to help but i just didn't let them... I dunno why i refused 'em but i guess.... i was just being... me.....?? Haiz.... Nvm... Forget bout it...

Ok.. That's all.. Bye!

Well, hi... How screwed up was i yesterday? Pretty much the highest level of screwed... Im such a loser... Im hating the feeling i have right now... Everything's fucked-up.. Prolly cos i've been forcing myself to think everything's okay.. That's why im feeling so tired.. Or isit time for my hibernation already? Haiz... Fake smiles.. Artificial feelings.. It all gangs up on me.. Can i report them to the police? They secret society ah...

Haiz... Im craving for so many things right now... But right now.. All i need is someone.. HIM... I need him here... I dun want my bolster to be wet again... I'd rather his shoulder get wet... I'd rather be gone then be so pathetic as to hug my bolster and you know? Erm, cr*... Haha.. I feel embarrassed to be cr*ing... I'm not suppposed to be... I just cant admit it lah... Since young i've never admitted to cr*ing... I just hate that word.. It's kinda freaky... Haha...

Well, i blasted simple plan songs last night and my whole fucking family tot i was crazy... Wow... I'm officially the worse pathetic loser ever... Even my family thinks im screwed.. So how can i NOT be screwed?Haha... I feel like sleeping ar... I can;t take it.. Sleeping's the best way other than suicide... I dun have the courage to die YET.. But i prolly would if everything continues being like this... But i still dun think ill have that kinda courage... Sleeping's good... I choose sleeping.. It's painless and you dun have to die... Ahaha.. Okaies... Nite nite all...

Hey hey!!! Ssup? Wooooo!!! IRB sevens was super uber great!!! Yet another year of pure rugby moments... I love rugby like to da core.. Although i got no confidence i can play well, i still love that game til death!!! I've decided that if i got a chance, i will join rugby after my secondary school years... I wonder if that's too late.. I hope not....

Hmmm, ALL BLACKS rule!! They won the cup against England ok?!?!? My lovely game with my favourite team in it... What can ever be better than this? This is like the highest level of being high already kay? Haha... But this years IRB svens wasn't as crowded as last years.. And SAS won RI in the SCC games or something like that... WOOO!!!! RUGBAY!!!! Muahaha...

Well, school today sucked as usual.. Somemore with my eyes stinging like fuck, was pure torture... Haiz... So freaking tired... So fucked up... Nothing's really working out.. All's NOT good... Everything's up muh ass... Im running.. Running far from here.. Why am i talking poetry now? Fuck it!! Im stuck with this poetry thingy for life man!! Slut!!! I can't take it!! I miss DADA.. And i have sinned so much today.. I fell in like with this guy that is totally NOt supposed to be liked by me.. Actually, im not even suppose to have ANYTHING to do with this guy.. Im such a wrong-doer...WTF?!??! I feel so guilty now... But i can't help but think of him.... I have no idea why those two people attract me so much but i guess they both from the same category of guys thats why.. Haiz.. Sad lah... Im such a unloyal bit-ach.. KNN...

Im feeling lonely every time im with my own class. That's NOT good!!! Im suppose to be having fun and laugh along with all my new friends but i always find myself thinking of all my OTHER friends.... And im starting to dislike my class AGAIN!!! There's nothing that is pulling me there now.. No chemistry between e4 and me.. It's not like me and 2e2'o4... It's just so different.. I get so irritated these days but i can never get a chance to show it.. Cos once i flare up, i dunno if it'll be reversible... I dun wanna spoil the "okay" relationship im having with my class right now. But how to?? When all the time im in e4 im thinking of the people in e5... Im not "loving" the feeling of being in a class.. Somehow or rather, i would rather be all alone and not have all my "new" friends with me...

I dun even think DADA's doing much in keeping me high in class these days.. All he does is just keep quiet.. He never does anything... How come he can't be as talkative as he was last time? Well, i guess like the story logen told me once.. Once a fence has a hole in it, no matter what you do, there'll always be that hole there... Haiz... Life's this screwed up for me now.. I dun even have a fence to protect me from the outside world.. Im too exposed to the feeling of pain im getting numb... Everything's topsy-turvy.. Nothing's going anywhere near where i want it to be... Im getting so flustered.. So fucked up bout all this little mistakes i make.. A smile i screw up on my face everytime i face my "friends". None of them know.. None of them care.... Why that monster in me can't come out? Why is it trying so hard to just hide away from reality? Why wun it come out so the whole world can see how ugly i really am? It's getting tired acting out all this scenes.. There's no break, no recess... Just pure 100% acting.. How nice?

Wow!! I just created a "poem" out of nothing at all.. Muahaha.... Im stuupid!! Crazily stuupid.. And i miss that stuupid DADa boy!!! Knn... DIE!! DIE!!! I hate muh fucking life!!! Screw you!

*Go SA go SA go!
AC kapala putoh*

Haha.. That' ryhme is stuck in my head.. No offence to any ACSI peeps man.. But that rhymes kinda nice man.... Haha... Well, just came back from clementi.... Went to celebrate Logen's team EXPRESSIVE in getting into the top 3.... Haha... It was so freaking fun man today.... I mean every minute after school was pure fun!!!

But school hours was pure torture.. Somemore with all the people talking bout me liking DADA and all.. It's pissing me off bigg time but i ain't showing it.. Im gonna try to take all of this in stride... Im not gonna let it affect me lah.... Haha... Although it's taking a part of my heart away everytime anyone says anything bout me & DADA.. I cant show it.. Im not gonna let any one of 'em noe that it's my weakness... Haha.... ;)

Well, im feeling rather guilty for being pissed at Iskandar today.. Cos it's his fuckin Birthday!!! Arghhh!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ISKANDAR!!! So sorry man, for throwing my temper at you.. But i totally had a reason to do so man... But still, i realise being mean to you on ur birthday is mean.. So im really sorry... Please forgive me..... Thks!

Hmmmm, so IRB sevens tmr!!! Fucking cool babeh!!! All blacks here comes MANDY!!! Oooooh.... And my brother's playing on sunday.. Bloody cool... So hope they win but it's kinda a very low chance ah.. Seeing the past years results... Ahahah... No offence to any singapore ruggers man... But all blacks rule!!!! HAha... Bleah~

Oh yeah, im supposed to be talking bout the whole business thingy... Well, Expressive was kinda ok except they screwed up at the last part.. And ZhongHua Secondary totally deserves to win./. Their presentation was superbly excellent... And their proposal was kinda good too... So i guess ZhongHua is prolly going home with the first prize on the 28th of may.... After the whole shit, Logen, Ais, Lauren, Winnie and me went to clementi to celebrate.. But when we reached KFC, winnie had to leave cos her curfew time was up... So just the for of us w/o winnie... Had lotsa fun at KFC talking and joking and laughing at every single lil' thing...

Then after that we went to a nearby multi storey car park and i scared the hell out of all of 'em.... Was pretty fun.. And they dun believe i was scared too... I was ok!! I was just acting tough and all.. Especially at the stair case parts.... I freaked out inside but i din show it lah.. I was singing the AC KAPALA PUTOH song very loudly and acted like a fucking gangster.. Haha... Could tell they were hating me DEEP man... They were freaked like hell... Haha...

Then after we took a cab to TPC and we went home... Yupps... That's all about today... Pretty busy day today.. And filled with lotsa emo(s)... And i mean ALOT!!!! I almost broke down... Haiz.. But someone i knew cried first so i had to be strong, i cant make it worst for her right? So i forced myself to smile and i made jokes to make her laugh.. I felt good she stopped crying.. But i dun believe i was actually that strong as to actually successfully NOT cry and even help someone brighten up her day!! Wow!! Im such a pro at this.. I should totally go be a phychiatrist or something.. Ahahah...

Well, i dun think i want to sms Dada right now.. Cos i think after so many shit happened in school... I need a fucking break.. And i think he needs to chiil out a little too cos im afraid this whole "everybody-knows" shit will turn him off totally... Then ill totally regret... So i think i better control myself these few days when i feel like sms-ing him... haiz.. Who gives a fuck lah... All this shit happening in school is fucking sucking the life out of me... Slut whore....

Okays.. End here fer now.. toodles and love ya'all like love ya'all like LOVE babeh!! *smucks*

Heys ya'all... Hows it going for all of you? Im currently a lil pissed (I dunno why) & im also very VERY disappointed bout the whole postponing of finals rugby match.... What the fuck rite? I mean, they could have played lor.. Then they postponed it also dunno for what.. Everyone said it was a very bad move.... I mean please, think of those poeple who had to take leave just to watch this game.. Think of the money spent on booking the buses to bring the students to the P.A... Kuku sia... I was sooo looking forward to it then now like this.. Kau!!!

So tomorrow... The match!!! I am so hoping it doesn't rain tmr... SAS must win!! Must!! actually, it's WILL win.. Haha.. No lah.... But my dad says ACS(I) must be damn freaking scare dnow.. Cos they're competing against the champions!!!! Muahahaha.. Lol....

Haiz... Life's being a bitch these days.. something really funny happened today in school.. It was 1 plus in the afternoon and was changing class to go to Chem class... And EVERYTIME after that one period of maths lesson, i would think it was end of school and would prepare to go home... But every other time, Cindy was there to remind me.. Well, obviously, cindy wasn't there to remind me today.. Cos i totally went to E5 class and waited for Logen outside his class... I bet his classmates were totally like "wah!! Mandy ponteng class ah?" Haha.... Lucky i met jessika they all in the toilet... Then i was like "eh.. where you all going.." Then they went "Chem class lah!" I was like "huh? wat chem class?" Then they realise i tot it was after school.. And i followed them back to class.. And Cindy and Annabel was laughing at me like crazy.. Ok.. I was very paiseh ok?!??! Fine.. Im always blur on Wednesday.. So what? Big deal... I'll make a note to stay after maths class every Wednesday starting from next week.. Ahahaha...

So, that was a pretty freaky yet entertaining incident... Cos if i totally didn't met jessika in the toilet, i would have been waiting for Logen outside his class like a big dumbo and his friends would totally know i was so dumb as to tot it was end of school at 1 plus.... Haha... Heng ah.... Never embarrass myself.... ; )

Im really tired.. So yeah.. Nites to all and love from mandy da great!

Well, i dunno what's wrong with DADA but he has kinda been a lil' cold to me lately.. I wonder why.... Im thinking "some bastard must have baotoh me lah.." I mean, surely someone must have been telling him how crazy i am for him then prolly he dun want me to misunderstand his friendship or whatever... So ya'know? Ok.. Im officially thinkking to much.. I dunno!!! Im just so fustrated that he's ignoring my sms NOW!!! For the 4th time in our entire friendship he is ignoring my msg... Fuck this.... Haiz.... Just forget it lah... Dun wanna care.. So sian now....

Just finished tuition.... Was damn freaking stress!! I have totally no idea bout any discriminant shit and all... Wa lau... Somemore tmr got A maths test sia... KNN..... So hope i pass.... Hmmm.... I went out with Logen and Ais for awhile after the whole DNT course.. I so have a small little tiny crush on that teacher.. JASPER!!! Haha.... He's pretty cute lah... But he smokes... BIGG turn off.... And he's so sweet to help me do my work today.. Like super duper sweet ok!!! Haiz.. But he's standing far far FAR away from where DADA stands in muh heart.. Ahahaha... Emo sia.....

Ok... Im officially pissed that he is NOT replying to my message??? What is this? I hate this.. Fuck you!! Oh yeah... Iskandar was being a real bitch today... He told that bitch i hated her right in front of me lor.. Kuku right? He ALWAYS pisses me off man... Then when i get pissed he starts apologizing... Well, wat to do... New classmates, new experience... I gotta bear with it even if it means biting my tongue off... Haiz.. No one seems to care anyway... My school world is coming apart... Seems like i have no one to trust anymore....

I know i can totally trust Logen and Ais... But now they're also busy with their stuff... Got their own special things going on together... I kinda feel a lil left out... And i canNOT trust ANYONE in my class... Im sorry man.. It just ain't working out... I dun feel any connections with my class man... And now??? I dun even feel a connection between me and DADA... I'm prolly gonna spend the rest of my secondary school days fucking myself up and totally cracking the class up when the person who needs the MOST humour is me!!! ME!!! ME!! ME!!! Why is everything bout me?

I sooooo gotta learn to be more appreciative about other human beings that are living all around me.... Im so self-centred... Haha... Right..... Talk bout self centred.... Reminds me of some friends i had last time... Hmmmm, nvms...Im feeling so dead now man.... I feel so heck-care attitudish... Haiz.... Fuck lah.. Even if DADA totally talks to me now i still wun be happier... Wow... My mood swings scaring me... I was ok a moment ago... How'd i end up talking bout depressive stuff? Whoa.... Im such a pro-ism tantrum bi-atch.... I love myself....

Hahaha.... Two more days to my official deadness... Show & tell... Show what? Tell what? Fuck this lah... Show her the finger and tell her she's being a fucking SWB..... KNN.. What shit sia... Every year also do show & tell.. We where got so many things to tell everyone.. Even got also wun say in front of MOLEY right??? Which idiot will totally talk bout her REAL life story in front of a teacher? That's dumb like super dumb... And im being a bitch.. So what? Kill me.... Bleah~

Blah lah.. My mood's killing me.. I dunno what's wrong with me.. I feel like taking someone's life... That's the monster inside me talking.. Prolly the monster have been kept locked up too long.. It's time it came up and cause soem major damage to everyone around it.... No worries... SOooooon!!!! The monster is gonna start its quest in killing everyone soon.... Im feeling so fucked up now i dunno what i talking bout... Arghhhh... Fuck you.... Slut!!!

Hello! Im feeling oh so hyper today. And i better think of something for my show&tell which is coming on thursday. My week is pretty filled up.. Let's see...

Today : totaly skipped ELDDS and went out wit Ais, Logen, Lauren and Winnie... Was kinda fun lah.... But i was feeling a little guilty bout skipping ELDDS. Haha... Who gives a fuck.. Bleah~

Tuesday : School.. Then got that fucking DNT course to attend until FIVE!!!! Fucking slut!! So lazy to go for that friggin course that does NOT help me in anyway except let me see DADA for a few more hours.. Haha... And i think i having tuition after that....

Wednesday : Oh fuck!! Maths test!!! And..... Kor kor got finals rugby match against ACS(I).. So hope they win this fucking season so i can totally act like a fool and start crying on the spot again... Ahahaha....

Thursday : I dun think there's anything on on thursday... At least not that i can think of at the moment.... Hmmmmm, nope!! thursday's free like crap day.. Wait!!! When is the IRB sevens happening? When ar? Shit!! I need to know!!!

Friday : Going to suport Logen's group in the make ur mark thing... So hopes he gets into the finals and win this fucking thing.. But also i hoping the fucking school wun do anything stupid like asking us to give ALL the money to them.. Fucking assholes! Ok.... Lacs...

Saturday : I think dad's working so i think im gonna accompany my mom and Bryan to thomson for Bryan's class... Muahahaha... The orange juice there is superb!! I simply lurve it!!!

Sunday : Prolly gonna stay at home the whole freaking day.. My sundays are usually either family outing or just pure slacking at home... Haiz.. What a boring life im leading...

Okays!! So that's bout it for my week... Not really packed lah.. But lesser time to slack then usual.... Haiz... Still got som many many hw to do.. I die sia.... I better go finish em later if not tmr cindy eat me up sia.. I wonder how her chinese dance went... COP??? Or bronze??? Haha.. She like so scared get until COP sia... Haha...

Ok.. I shall end here. Hands tired! Nites! I mean.. Evening!!!

Well, after much toughts, i deleted my second blog. It seems very useless to me so i deleted it. I feel a little heart break but what has to be done has to be done. I have no regrets!!! Muahahaha...

Just came back from Parkway parade. Just went there for dinner and a little shopping. Oh.. And Bryan had a try at mini golf for the first time. He was afraid of the effects man.. But he said he enjoyed it. So its ok lor.. But its 12 bucks man. Some deep shit.. So expensive....

Ok.. I think my brothers back with his friends.. Prolly playing mahjong or cards lah.. Dunno him lah... I suddenly feel i dunno who da hell is he man... And recently i have nothing to do with him except scolding da hell out of him.... Now the aircon's fix... So he no need to share room with me.. So less time spent with him, lesser time spent oon scolding him... Ass... Haiz.. Sian lah.. The only person now in my family i trust is my mom and Bryan... Haha.... And maybe clarissa.. But she's always busy so i dun really spend much time with her....

Hmmmm, i have been sms-ing DADA.. And i realise he is super duper sweet and i truly love da hell out of him!!! He is muh sweetie pie and my happiness when im sad... So i think if i have to seperate with him ill feel really really sad... Very very sad indeed... Haha.. Ok.. Vina need to use the com.. So tatas!

Well, being inspired by champa's blog.. I have decided to post a few of my poems here.. How nice... Thx champa....

PAINFUL LOVE

All this time you were lying,
Never told me you were playing,
Those words seem to stay in my mind,
The love from you i tried to find.

All the times you looked to me,
Until now i couldn't see,
I tried to fight for air to breathe,
But all it brought me was just grief.

All those words from the heart,
Until death do we part,
Never thought that you would leave,
You were the one who made us myths.

Like a flower in the field,
Left outside with no shield,
But through this process i've learnt,
That no love is ever innocent.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Haha... How? I write one first lah ok? Next time then i happy happy then i write somemore kays? Haha... Pure stupidity lah right? Haiyoh.... Anyways, today's sport day was ok lah. Boring.. Then after that went out with ais, logen, yeni, fuhua and cindy.... Damn fun!!! Haha.. Watch EYE 10.. Which purely is a joker movie cos most of the time i was laughing.... It was a funny scary movie... It wasn't even freaky, just very sudden so it shocks you for a moment... Haha...

Im hving some fucking gastric now. So irrtating.... Everytime sia.... Then kena scolding from me mom... And im seriously suppose to do my hw now but i have decided to procrastinate... So ill do it later or maybe even tmr.. I really need to do my social studies though.. Im not ready to spend one more hour in detention... Slut whore.... Nvm.... After this i do.. Ok? Good girl right? Haha....

Ok... Ill sign off here and pls tagggggg!!! I love ya'all!!!

What the kuku narden is this!! Im feeling so damn pissed right now i dunno at what... I almost shouted at my tuition teacher just now... Haiz.... And i shouted at my mom.. Im feeling so guilty bout that lah... Cos she was totally being nice and all and telling me "eh.. you got do your hw? do already show me lah.. then i can learn some phrases myself also mah.." But it was totally obvious she just wanted to check if i got do finish my hw cos that bloody moley bitch gave her that letter stating for all parents to "help" the teacher in trying to "help" the students to do their hw... Kuku head!!!

Haiz.. Im really feeling bad about my mom now.. Cos i went totally loud and i said whatever to her and all.. Haiz.. And i knew she was being nice.. What kind of a daughter am i?!?!?!? Fuck myself lah.. Im so mean to my mom!!! Crap this.. I wanna kill myself right now... Im so unfilial.... Im destined to go to hell.. Trust me on that...

Hmmm, lessons were pretty boring today... Except maybe maths lesson.. It is kinda fun sitting in front with the funny pple ard me right now.. I enjoy lessons more... And i dun get so moody often anymore... And i totally shouldn't have volunteered for the maths shit cos it suck!! I totally have to rush EVERYWHERE today.. Recess... after school... no lunch cos i was busy helping to sort out the papers for that fucking mr tham... Who freaking spelled my name as MINDY and paste it on the wall for everyone to see... Chee bai....

Haiz.. Nvm... And Yao wei is seriously getting on my nerves!! And Leonardi keeps saying im fat indirectly.. What an ass!!! He always pick on me sia.. Like totally hopeless case of irritating pest!!! Damn that kuku head.. I just realise im addicted to using the word kuku head and i also realise that my class is full of kuku heads!!! They're like heads that turn kuku due to over stress or over fantasizing or whatever... All dumbdumb(s).. Except me!!! Haha... No lah.. Joking.. I love my class.. They all good pple.. Funny cheerful lovely wonderful absolutely purifying pple...

Haha.. Im crazy right now cos DADA is totally sms-ing me right now.. I love that boy i tell you... He so super duper cute!! I love him to the core and ain't nobody or nth can ever take him away from me.. Except maybe DADA himself... Haha.... Ok... Enough bout DADA lah ok? Maths test tmr!! Dammit!! I so damn stress!! I totally cant fail this! If i do im so gonna flunk my e maths.. And if that happens ill be confronted by lotsa pple man.. Cant happen!! Absolutely cant!! And tmr got odac morning run.. Slut!! So lazy!

Fucking tired.. Talk next time muh ladays!!! Muacks and kiss your kuku master goodnights!! Love ya!!

Sometimes its black, sometimes its white
sometimes he's wrong, sometimes I'm right
sometimes we'd talk about it or we'd figure it out
but then he'd just change his mind
sometimes he's hot, sometimes I'm cold
sometimes my head wants to explode
but when I think about it
I'm so in love with him
every other time****

Well, i just changed the her to him(s) and the she to he(s)... From the some every other time by LFO.... Heard it on the radio today morning while on the way to school.. Tot it showed alot bout my feelings for DaDa.... Totally man... But the first line is not cos i racist lah. It's cos ya'know? It's just like that so lidat lor!! Haha...

Dada's pretty ok today in school exceot he dun seem to be talking to me and i think now he notices how much im looking at him. Cos now eveytime i look at him he will noe and he'll look back. Weird.. Lol... Hmmm, school was pretty ok today cos most of the time i was hyper... I just came back from ELDDS. Practised the songs and did one rehearsal for the first scene... It's pretty ok lah. I didn't take up any major role though... Cos im not sure if ill commit to it and also im not sure if im able to memorise so many words.. Haha....

I feeling rather moody now.. Listening to sad songs and thinking bout many many sad sad stuff.... Making me feel like crying but no tears wanna come out lah. Haiz.... Saddening lah. Oh.. Im so hoping DaDa sms-es me today.. like tonight or whatever.. Just as long as he sms me, ill know that at least he still thinks about me a lil.... Other than his games his soccer his television and his bed i dun think any other thing matters... But if he sms-es me it will totally make me feel super happy... Haiz.. But i have a feeling he wun sms me.... I tell you guys tmr okays? See if he at least got a heart anot.. Haha...

Im suddenly missing Ais and Logen... I have been missing them since after recess today.. I dunno why.. But just now Ais rushing to go play LAN with Gladys they all... So i kinda just didn't wanna disturb her lor... Haiz.. Too bad i had to do detention for one hour cos of SS and after that still have to go ELDDS.. If not i would have totally went to play LAN with 'em.. Blah lah.. Who cares....

Hmmmm, i still haven get a present for gladys... Wednesday man.. I better do some shopping tmr.. See what i can get for that spoilt girl!!! HAha.. No lah.... I really dunno what to buy sia.. AIS!!!!! WHAT YOU BUYING??? WANNA SHARE?!?!? Haha.. Big shoutout to Ais.... Answer by tmr ah!!! If not i kena sia.. Never buy pressie for her...

Haiz.. Ok lah... Keep it a little shorter than it's suppose to be... Bye!

Heys ya'all... Im pretty screwed up since april fools... Haiz.. You guys should know lah. I totally screwed up with DADA and i seriously dunno wat to do.. Im screwed to the very core and there's no one here to save me. Shit this fucking slut mother pussy whore bitch shit!!! I really screwed it up BIGG this time huh? Like wat? I ruined my friendship with the love of my life.. My love of my life isn't talking or sms-ing me now. He totally thinks im outta my mind. I have no idea what is going on in his mind. I hope he isn't telling anyone about this. I hope he love me back. I wish he'll just be by my side now. But all of that's BULL!!! Nth good ever comes out of impulsiveness.... Haiz....

Fuck this lah.... Well, i've decided something.. But im not gonna tell... Cos it's something you guys shouldn't and need not know... I'll give ya'all a hint though "it's the within that'll be compressed"
Yupps.. Get it??? Nvm... Haiz... I dunno what to do with this now. It's like it's hanging in mid-air and no one can touch the issue cos its not only sensitive but very very VERY fragile... ONE wrong move and it may be fatal... Seriously, dun play play....

Haha... Haiz.. WHo gives a fuck lah(me!!)... Dun care lah(like real!)... I dun wanna think bout him anymore lah(not!)... He's not worth it(he totally IS!!).... Haiz.. See! Im contradicting myself in every sentence. One symptom of depression after rejection. Haha... Oh!! I forgot.. Did i tell ya'all? HE kinda rejected me... He say he give up on relationships and all... I wonder if it's true or if it's just an excuse to brush me off his back. Haiz.. And guess what? HE ignored me when i confessed just cos he was watching AUSTIN POWER.. Wat the fuck is this world coming to man.. I totally dun mean shit to him.. Why?!??!

I mean, a girl confesses to this guy.... guess how much determination and courage is needed in doing that? And all the guy does is say he's given up on relationships and ask you to keep quiet cos he's watching austin powers. Wow!! How romantic is that? I mean although he's rejecting me, at least show some face lah... Haiz.. Nvm lah.. Guys never know how much it takes to say I LOVE YOU to a guy. I totally hopes DADA sees this... Cos guess what?? I really DO love you... And you brushed me off that day just cos of a freaking tv show!!! Fuck you! Fuck life! Fuck austin power!!!

Haiz.. Forget it lah... I tell you guys something kays? DADA is the first guy i say i love you to and really mean it. All my other crushes i say i LIKE you.. I never said i love you before. Even if got, is those kind like "ok! love ya! nites!" lidat.... Totally screwed.. Haiz.. But DADA counted as nice already lah. At least he apologised.. Which i dunno what to say to that except FUCK YOU!!!! SORRY??? Wtf is that??? Sorry for rejecting me? Thx! Thx a whole fucking lot.. It absolutely made me feel better. Oh fuck this.. I gtg... Or im gonna explode....

Sorry guys.. I'll blog another time kays? I love ya'all..... Byes!