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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Oh i so freaking hope i get goo dgrades for my physics test... I really studied for it ok??? 45 mins is still study!!! And i studied all the way thru out the morning!!! I was holding the notes to my FACE!!! And reading it thru out morning assembly... I so freaking hope i pass this test.. =)

Okokokokok~ Im still feeling rather scandalous. But by far the most MOST comfortable and worth it all scandal is..... EH!!! Im not suppose to say about scandals anymore right??? Okokok.. I must shuddap about it.. Cannot make it open... Haha... Like i said, scandals...

Well, i got to know of something i probably shouldn't have known.. But i can tell you the feeling of DISGUST is so deep... Im really really disappointed... I thought the feeling was hurt but by the reaction i have when i saw that person today, i KNEW it wasn't hurt.. It was down right DISAPPOINTMENT and DISGUST!!! I mean that kinda thing??? Wah, not nice to mess with ah.. It sounds a whole lot like pitiness... I would rather be played... Although i shall refrain from judgement now.. Bcos i dun wanna judge whatever that is not mine... And i definitely dun wanna condemn it.. But what's goes around comes around. IT will get what IT deserves... =)

Today there was sepak takraw tournament.. It was fun... Moufie and krush were suppose to do something but in the end only moufie got to do it cos there were no choices for krush.. Lol... It was funny ah. She was damn fast sia!! Like on expressway seh... Lol... Speedofide!! Lol... Number 15... I really wanted a scandal with that number.. Lol... SCANDAL??? Again!! damn!!! I gotta stop the impulse.. Haha.. woooot~

Im working towards becoming a nerd.. Adek encourages me to be one. But i tell you, me?? A nerd?? It just dun comprehend... But its ok. i'll try... Today Cindy talked me into NOt sleeping in that one period of chemistry.. I had to go thru so much shit with myself to actually accomplish that but I DID ACCOMPLISH IT!!! I didn't sleep thru out the whole god damn period ok!!! I was actually listening!! I was!!! I truly was.... =) Achievement.. I should pat myself on the shoulder.. Haha.. But after that chinese period i sleep thru half of that two periods. EH!!! Tiring okay!??!?! Lol.... =)

Alah!!! I damn bored ah... Wanna study but not in the mood.. Later still must do a maths hw.. FISH ah!!! Eh.. I bring my maths textbook home ok!! Freaking great improvement in my attitude seh... FISH... any teacher still dare say i slack.. I give him/her the piece of my mind ah. FISH you... Lol...

Today was basically boring.. It wouldhave been nice if i could scandalise a lil bit.. Haha... But nah~ i guess today's just not scandal day for me. But no worries!! Every other day WILL be... Im gonna MAKE them scandal day... Im gonna scandal ALL the way!!1 Its an obsession yes i noe. I should stip it before it gets way out of hand.. Haha.. Well, im just giving back what they gave me.. Its a returning of the favour... They taught me how it felt... Now im gonna give them back that sensational feeling.. Yes.. It's actually a matter of revenge.. Revenge is SWEET!!! Im gonna proof to them that me??? Im gonna be the best in the game. I dun care if im a slut. You dunno me, so dun judge me...

Lol.. Why i like suddenly so pissed? Lol.. Maybe its getting to my brains.. Lol.. I should meditate.. "OHM....." Lol.. Im done!! WeeeeeeeT!!! I shall survive and i'll show you how it feels.. I'll show you who's the best in the game... I can be a pro, i just gotta work hard at it and try... =) I know i can make you guys suffer... I know i can give you back what you gave me three times worse.. It's a matter of me wanting it or not, so watch out bitch.. Im gonna get you... You'll be asking for you mother when that time comes... =) Wah seh.. i sound like some psycho evil freak!! Haha...

Adios sucka!!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006

So so so so SCANDALOUS ~ !!! My fer-weekin gawd!! Life is being but a bitch and all i can think of doing is scandalous stuff... Sigh... I guess its just getting tiring trying so hard all the time. So ill just be slacking and let it all come now. And i wanna have nothing but fun fun FUN!! And i want them all to make me feel like im da fucking queen of their heart!!

Yeah.. I may sound sluttish now.. Like a bitch now.. If you were me, you would know how hard it would be to resist the temptation. Plus all the heart breaking moments have just gotten me giving up on it for now. so dun blame me if i get around scandalising... That's what people have been doing to me. Im just returning the favour... =P

Okok. I shouldn't elaboarate on that. it's nothing to be proud of. So here's the ending to the talking about it.. That's all you'll get to know... =) Yepps..

So school's alright.. Been slacking quite alot.. Been EATING quite a lot too!! Damn!!! Plus ODAC just started. What the mumu?!?!?! Haha.. It'll be fun i guess.. Back to exercising at least. Lol... =) Got my CCA tee shirt. Like wtf??? Im graduating soon, so it makes no sense to pay 7 bucks for it. But oh wells, i guess i just did it anyways... =) Im kinda gonna miss the people in hnf though. Like especially those in the store all the time, Ming long, Hisyam, and Raffe( spelling? )... Yah. They can make me laugh my guts out.. Cute people... =) Yepps. And of course the rest too... =)

I better really buck up for my studies.. OH YAH!! Tmr got physics test.. And dnt test.. OH MY GOD!! SHOOT ME!!! =)
Monday, March 27, 2006

Why does it happen over and over again???????? Why? Haha... They just dunno eh? Im not as innocent as i look. Or wtv shit... Im evil... Im blardy evil and im mean!!!! Sigh.... And im also wrong....

Today i had a very long awaited talk with Logen. I had so much fun... Really, his words never fails to make me think. And it makes me realise wonderful things and see things differently. No joke... He has that kinda power... =) that's exactly why i love talking to him. Even if it means walking one whole big round to take the bus. Even if i havent't been talking to him for weeks or months... Thanks Logen... You'll always be special in my heart... =)

Sometimes you never know what you lose until you really need them, but you can't find them anywhere. You never know what you have or what to cherish, until you've lost it.... In my life, i've lost many things... Friendships, relationships, materialistic stuff, sanity and many many more. Some things i can slowly find back, some just go and never comes back. But i know, new things will come along. some will make me stronger some will make me weak. But ultimately ill grow up stronger. I'll stand up straighter. I'll smile more radiantly... Yeah...

I guess there you have it!!! The positive side of me.. Keep that in memory... You dun really get it often eh?? I know.. I've been down in the dumps for quite long and i've been whining none stop about it. I apologise. Once again im announcing that im trying my VERY best to get back up. Smile, think positive... Im trying.... I cant make promises.. But you gotta know, it ain't easy... So give me time... =) Sorry if me being in bad mood at times have broght you guys bad mood too! I'll try to change that.. WITHOUT hiding my feelings of course!! =)

*I will make it through the rain*
*I will stand up once again*
Sunday, March 26, 2006

My birthday was alright.. Received quite an amount of presents and wishes. I wanna thank those who spend on the presents. And i appreciate those who wished me happy borthday. Thanks. It was a day to celebrate my existence as a human and you guys made me feel good. =)

So my birthday was all about being busted by my mates. Firstly, during recess, penny and that gang sung the birthday song so loudly that the whole canteen knew it was my birthday, or at least HALF!!! So i had no idea how to react so i did what harris told me to. He said to sing along with them and pretend as if it's not meant for you. So i did exactly that but i still got lotsa questions from pple. "Mandy your birthday ah?!?!?" Im like no lah. They sung to candy lah!!! Lol..

Then hakim got caught by Mr singh for doing dunno what. I was like HUH???? What the mumu man. I tot why the hell he asking me if it's my birthday.... So sorry man.. Haha. I dun even know what he did. I heard he shouted happy birthday to me from the stall. Then mr singh heard or something. Blah lah that mr singh. Spoiler ah... Haha...

So yeah... I received about 5 teddy bears i think. Haha. I think that's the most typical present but i think its the greatest gift. Cos trust me, i needed those teddies that night. I really really needed them.. That part i won't elaborate. But i can tell you, my vgs really touched my heart. They made up this presentation for me and when i saw it. My tears couldn't help but flow like a river. I swear to gawd man....!! It was freaking touching. And from all the backstreet boys song in it, i reckon Dek must be the one who did it. Plus all the pictures really portrayed the words. I loved it. It was the best present amongst ALL of them. Yah. And clar was laughing at me. Hell shit.. =)) IT WAS TOUCHING!!! I cried, so??? Haha....

Okok. Then Abg busted me. First i dunno how or why sky high did that.. Then when they all go mly class he tried to busted me again. I mean, isn't it torturous enough i gotta spend my birthday afternoon without them?? They had to gang up on me and try to busted me. Damn, why i hafta have all my vgs and tat evil genius in mly class?? Why cant i be in mly class? Ok.. I should drop chinese and totally go take up mly or something. Blah lah. I hate it sia.... I should have been there to take my revenge on that evil genius. IF only i could.... =(

But it was alright. Except the afternoon lah. I couldn't stay back to see the Sepak Takraw game cos it only starts at 4.30 or so i heard.. Then i had to do the hnf stuff like carry or the equipments and all.. So it was the most boring part of the day. It was kinda awkward between me and dil lah. But its ok lah. It's so much better this way. I feel free... Like literally man. I dunno why. Like a sudden breathe of fresh air. I hope he feels the same way ah.. Cos im glad he did what he did. =)) All the best to both of us then, i guess.. =)

And then i went on to dinner with my family. Nothing big... Nonya food. i didn't have much of an appetite so i didn't eat much. Went cine of xboxing and gaming. Wasn't in the mood to game too so i just sat there. So yeah. Thats about it.

YESTERDAY!!!!! Yesterday was great!!! I told you!! I couldn't wait for my birthday to be over.... And when it was over?? It became sucha great day!!! I went on my FIRST bike ride!!! It was freakin damn sensational!! Although i was kinda shivering the whole time and he had to reassure me once every five minutes. But it was so freaking cool!!! I got to ride on a freakin bike!!! I tell you. The day after my birthday is the best day ever!!! Plus he was so nice about it. Lol. I felt so embarrassed cos even after i got off the bike and all. I couldn't stop shivering. I wasn't scared!! It's just that its the first time and all. And i didn't exactly know what to do... And it went pretty darn fast. Fast enough to hear a whistling soung thru that hole at least.... =) Okokokokok~ Im exaggerating. It wasn't a whistling sound. It was more of a noisy sound. But it was nevertheless!!! A SOUND!!! Haha.. Wtf... Nvm...

Ok.. So i got on his bike and gotten my first bike ride ever!!! And then we watched a movie.. V for Vendetta!! I tell you!! For shit!! it was suchsa nice show!! The starting was quite a bore cos i had no idea what the man was talking about. But as it went on and the action started. It was GREAT!! It would have been better if i could see how V looked like.. But at the boring parts, i kinda had fun too. cos he was making those cute stupid spider thingy.... And he kept tickling me. I was like, keeping quiet cos i was watching the movie and he tot i was pissed. WTH?!?!? Paranoia....!! I understand where that came from so its ok.. =)

But i had lotsa fun. Plus he rode me home too!!! My SECOND ride on a bike. I was so freaking loving the feeling!! My hands were a little tired though... So he told me to just lean in front if i feel tired. So i did... =) Then i made him go the wrong way cos i was stupid enough to keep quiet when he made the wrong turn.. I felt really bad. For a moment i thought he was pissed.. Haha... So it was a great day!! Great movie. Great bike ride. Great everything!!! =) Nice. THE greatest BELATED present i can receive.. Haha... =)

Ok.. I think i blogged quite alot.. BYE!!
Thursday, March 23, 2006

It's over........ I got nth to comment... Dunno wat to say.....

Thx harris.. For being with me at this point of time.. Shit happens... I know it.. Im a strong girl.. I can take the fall... plus i have so many pple to back me up. I have adek.. I have my friends and vgs and i have so many pple who care and love me.. That is all i really need.. Wat ever else comes along, is just a phase of life i should overcome.. Im a fighter. I can do anything.. Yes... And its all thanks to the people who love me...

So i can get through this. Take it like a man. It's not like the end of the world right? It's just a tiny obstacle lah. Again i say, shit happens.. Maybe its better this way. We would all be happier this way... More freedom. Haha... SCANDALSS!!!! Lol....

Nah~ Im just kiddin around.. Okok.. I have a big day tmr.. So long and goodnight!!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Think im losing it. I've been trying so hard. But pple still see thru me. Especialy those that im close with. Why? Am i just such a failure?? I mean they say im trying TOO hard. But i mean, my intentions are good. I mean no hurt or harm. I just wanna see you guys happy. Is it wrong? I've been told it's wrong.. But i dunno how to deal with it. Bcos i try so hard and i fail!!! I still fail!!! I meant no harm really. Im sorry i didn't do it right. Im sorry...

Why? Where did i go wrong? Was it something i said? I mean, i tot i was doing well until Adek came along and told me. And then Abg. Then Moufie. And Logen. and kakak. And Harris. Sigh.. I was so blinded by the motivation huh? I just want you guys to know my motivation was this "You guys happy, i happy. It dun matter anything else" It goes the same with EVERYONE! My family too. Especially my family.. Sigh. Wat do you want me to say now?? I can't say any of my feeligs out. Im kinda used to hiding.

24/7.. For the past couple months i've been at it 24/7... Sigh. where isit all coming from? I just wanna close my eyes.. Hope it all goes away.

You know the feeling when you get something? But its just different? I dunno what i meant but seriously.. Its like what harris said "SO NEAR YET SO FAR"... That's how i feel about one particular person now. Things have changed. And i know i dun deal well with changes. But there's just no point crying over it. Bcos things change ALL the time. Maybe we need space. I dun wanna admit defeat but i have no more strength to continue. I can hide for all i care. The pain is still there. It doesn't go....

THERE!!! I've said it! I've said it! I suck! I cant do anything right. I was this close to success. A couple more weeks of under cover work would have gotten them all believing i was okay. But i failed. I failed failed failed!! Thanks mandy. Feels REAl good to know that i cant even do simple things like that. I hate my brithday. I hate it... Happy??? I've said it. I hate myself. =))

Now let me go back to hiding those so-called feelings... You wouldn't know when i need your shoulder. Bcos i won't show it. I won't!!! Unless i really can't take it anymore. Please! Just let me hide. Pretend im okay... Pretand i AM happy... Ok?

SO.....!! I'm happy!!! I am... trust me i am... =) Things go smoothly. I passed my A maths test!!! I was like super happy when i saw my grade man!! It's been so long since i've passed a maths. Felt wonderful... I was all hyped up... Mdm ong kinda joked around with me alittle. I swear man, i think she's the cutest teacher EVER!! She's like super super cute lah!!! Like a friend yet you feel the motherly kinda concern.. she's nice lah. My favourite teacher for now.. =)

I'll end here. Please.. Let me do this.. At least pretend im doing it right.... Im sorry if i hurt you. ANY of you.. But im trying. I really am. Sigh. No matter how much i say that. You guys wun believe me.. I REALLY AM!!!!

And if my brother wilson is reading this... I feel shitty that we quarrelled over tv.. It really didn't help that we quarrelled. Now i dun even wanna stay home. And my birthday's coming. I know we dun hold grudges for long. And i may seem i dun care. But if you know me well enough. The one thing i care most is you. My family. My brother. I can;t even face you guys now. i dunno why. Im sorry. Im just not good enough. Rmb that time i told you im trying? I really was, and i still am.... But i cant seem to do it right. Im sorry kor... Sorry for whatever i did to hurt any of you.

one last sigh please... SIGH.... =) okokokokok~ Im good! bye!
Monday, March 20, 2006

Well, yeah. That settles it. I have absolutely NOTHING to do.. And i have no bloody idea what im doing. Trust me. Im living everyday like a game. I try to play by the rules. Roll the dice so i can get a double. BUT NOOOOOO!!! I have no idea what the prize is even if i win the damn game. Trust me. This game? Is getting boring... Really really getting on my nerves... I try to do all i can, but still it seems not enough.. Holy smokes man.. I don't even feel like throwing the dice no more.. Just stay where i am and..... and just watever....

Ok. That's enough of whining for today. I shouldn't feel what im feeling now. I should fight it... Again i roll the dice... =) I can't possibly not move right? There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.. It's just not right... I HAVe to roll the dice so the next player gets a chance... =) Life's like a game. Life stinks so bad now.... =)

But i guess im rather strong. I guess i have that strength somewhere within me. I believe i can fight this feeling.. I reach back home today and i got rather emotional. I guess every conflict i have in my family means something to me. But i hide from it. My mom kinda confronted me about the quarrel i had with my brother. But i blew her off. I felt really bad afterwards but i really didn't wanna talk about it. Bcos i know if i do, more bad things will happen. Im just the black sheep lah.. =) So i blew her off saying its no big deal. But it is... Kind of, at least... Cos now i kinda dun wish to be home... =) I guess that's just a phase. It'll pass.. hopefully... =))

So you ever try to figure out why i always say bad words? Ever got close to an answer? Here's MY analysis... Im a blardy weak fuck.. Im freakin WEAK!!! So i use vulgarities to make me look strong and undefeatable. So in some ways, i AM a gangsta. Some loserfide gangsta.. In short, AH LIAN(ahhhhh! my worse nightmare!)....!!! I dun wanna be seen as weak, so i use words to portray a different image of me. So maybe im wrong. Maybe you can see through me easily. Maybe you know im really weak inside. Who cares?? That's just what i think. Im the weakest fucktard ill ever know.. =)) And im loving it... NOT!!!!

=)) Okok. Yeah. Im pmsing again. Just that it's POST menstrual syndrome now. Not PRE menstrual.. Lol. So wadeff... Let me whine.... =))

I was hyper half the day today though. In the morning i was really really hyper. I took it like a man. Then the damn blardy weak person came along like nobody's business and i got all moody again. Haha.. I like myself when im hyper. Somehow it seems nicer. Like i have more fun.. Lol.. OF COURSE!! What FISH am i talking about?? Of course lah!! Like which FISH-tard dun have fun when they're hyper. That's like the most pathetic thing that can happen.. Lol... =)

Oh im following my wife's order and using FISH instead of fuck. Ok. Maybe i started only at the previous paragraph.. BUT STILL!! Im trying!! Credit me for THAT!!! Heh heh.. so yeah. My birthday's in 4 days time. Harris reminded me. Somhow he manage to remember.. I was touched when he send me that message early this morning. Lol.. He was like "4 more days!!" And i was like huh? at first.. Then i realise.. OH!!! It's blardy FOUR more days to my birthday!!! I was like super touched... Lol..

So MY birthday... Hmmm, i keep forgeting it at times. Like example, i rmb it at 10.15 am today. At around 11 am i would forget that my birthday is coming.. Until someway somehow someone remind me. Hmmm, my STAB~ bro forgot my birthday!! That was like OUCH man... But hey dude. It's ok.. Dudes usually dun rmb birthdays. It's not in their programming to rmb birthdays. Unless that girl means something to them. Lol.. wooooot~~

It's kinda sad to think of it though. My Vgs won't be able to celebrate my brithday with me. I guess ill have to settle with what i have. I dun have any plans for that day though. I mean, maybe someway someone will surprise me. Ha!! Fat hope... Lol... It's okay lah. At least i get to sit in chinese class and die of boredom. Lol. bloody remedial.. I hope they cancel it. How can i concentrate when it's my BRITHDAY for crying out loud!!! Muahahaha. I'll just have to live with it. Plus i think we would perhaps have a H&F meeting. So yeah.. Thanks for accompanying me while i die of boredom once again... =)) Nah~ Im just kiddin'..

I have absolutely nothing to be sad about... It's my brithday.. sooon....!! GIMME A BREAK!!! Lol... Okokokokok~ I should stop whining. It's not my style. At least its not my year 2006 style!! Lol.. Lets see how long this god damn resolution will last... =))
Sunday, March 19, 2006

Well, i really think this song by adam sandler 
is really really one of the sweetest thing i ever heard.
I would totally melt if i was the girl.. i swear.. 
If my love sing this to me i would cry. It's too touching for goodness sake..
Lol. I love it though. The way Adam sandler sings it just makes
it all the more wonderful. 
Lol.. Woot~ 
 
LYRICS TO SONG
I wanna make you smile,

Whenever you're sad.

Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.

All I wanna do,

Is grow old with you



I'll get you medicine,

When your tummy aches.

Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.

It would be so nice,

Growin' old with you



I'll miss you, kiss you

Give you my coat when you are cold.

Need you, feed you.

I'll even let you hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink

Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink

Oh I could be the man,

Who grows old with you



I wanna grow old with you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wat the fuck.. My brother blocked me from using the computer by putting in a password. So im using my dad's com now. That fucking bitch.. I tell you.. Tonight sure got another fight.. Bitch... Asshole.. The com is not even his. He dun pay for it. He have no fucking right to block me from using it. It's just that its in his blardy room doesn't mean its his. It's a family computer.. Fucking bodoh... Asshole Mother fucking bitch.....

Nvm ah.. Dun care ah... Well today's a blardy sunday.. Last day of school holidays. I dun wanna go to school... Only reason now is my vgs.. Fucking cb.. I dunno lah. I feel damn vulgar today lah. So forgive me.. It's prolly my pmsing working its charm again. Bitch..

Okok. I promise ill try to be hapy right? Okok.. I shall keep to it.. I wanna be a woman of my words... I dun wanna be like some pple.. Say that they'll do it but fuck they dun do no shit.. okok.. Chill... STAB~~~~

Okokokokok~ So life's been great. Helluva roller coaster ride but still nevertheless great.. And i've realise that my one true confidante is my damn diary. That's super pathetic man.. But i wouldn't live like this without my diary.. And then my next best confidante is Adek.. Whoa... She's like the best!!! I have no idea how she do it but she just noes exactly the time and HOW to do it... She's just WOW material... =)) Heh heh...

And i wanna thank moufie for reassuring me that she's there for me 24/7.. I wanna say it back to you.. You have me all the time too!! Anytime anywhere anything.. =) And i love you and the vgs lots... Trust me... I really need you guys by my side... All the time... !!! =)

I wanna thank Kakak and Abg too.. Cos they made me smile while i was msging them.. They kinda made my day.. Thanks.. When i was feeling shitty just so happens abg msg me this stupid but yet weirdly cute msg.. So it made me laugh.. And Kakak told me i made her smile. So it made me feel way better.. THANKS you guys!! Really.. You won't know how much it means... =)

So i haven't really eaten.. But im not hungry.. Maybe the steam boat yesterday is still making me feel bloated.. Lol.. Steamboat was great.. Gu-ma's special parsley tormented beancurd sauce was soooo nice!!! And i ate quite abit.. But compared to last time.. I think my appetite's getting smaller and smaller.. Haha.. I snack alot though.. I dun usually eat proper meals but i snack alot.. That explains my size... Lol.. Wooot~ C'mon...

GEEZ LEWIS!!!! Lol.. I so totally love toblerone chocolate!! The milk one with the almond nougat is just absolutely the best!! I swear by it!! It is the most wonderfulness of wonder!!! I love it.. In fact.. Im going to shopnsave to buy it NOW!! since my blardy brother wun let me eat his.. So Woooooooot~ Mandy's out!!!

P.s(Btw, no matter how much i scold my brother or curse him.. You must know, i mean no harm! Im just way too pissed at him.. =) )
Saturday, March 18, 2006

Well well well, flag day yesterday wasn't that bad.. In fact it was GREAT!! I mean, i was doing a darn good deed and it felt wonderful!! Plus i realise how generous singaporeans were yesterday.. Seriously, it took me no more than an hour to finish up... Plus Anna Cindy and me finished off ours in no time.. And managed to help the other girls with some too!! Well, Singapore's a good society... All helpful people.. Thank god... Now the children society has more money... For the children!!!

It was really REALLY fun!! I tell you, Anna and me were practically having the times of our lives... Haha.. Maybe we're both competitive people and we wanted to show that we're good at persuading people to donate.. But trust me, those singapoeans need no persuading.. They were a bunch of god lads... A round of applause for those who work over at marina square and those who donated.. You have a good heart... =) Cindy wasn't so semangat though.. She wanted to rest.. Well, who could blame her.. My legs were aching as well... =)

So flag day went uber well.. Who ever said that it was a tough job?? NO WAY!! It's the greatest job.. I would volunteer somemore... Anytime! No problem!! =)) So, after that i went on to Lorong 7 to see Bryan welcome the QUEEN OF ENGLAND!!! Like what the mumu man!?!? When i heard the VVIP was the queen i was like ALL HAIL THE QUEEN!!! Wtf??? Why in the blue moon would the queen come all the way to Singapore Lorong 7 Toa Payoh for?? Foooooor Whhhaaaat?? Drink coffee ah?? Wat sia... I was shocked.. But it was hilarious seeing them shake the pom pom and saying "welcome welcome welcome!" I should have asked the queen for a blank check.. Ill bank it for 100 million pounds.. =) Fuck, life would be good to be queen.. =)

Anyways, yeah.. The queen came and went.. It was a glimpse of royalty for less than 10 seconds.. Not worth the hours of standing... Haha.. Lucky i was only there for half an hour.. =)) There were Sepak Takraw players there though.. I reckon they're from the national team or something.. Although most of them looked so young.. I was wondering how Aidil would look in their jersey and how cool he'll look if he played.. But i couldn't really fantasize too much cos i had no idea how he looks like when he plays.. Lol.. I should watch him play more often huh? I mean the only god damn reason i dun get to do that is bcos his ST friends are real NICE people who teases him til he drop his pants.. =)) So i'd save him the teasing and i try to stay away from those people as much as possible..

=) No matter!! Heart over matter.. I can overcome anything.. I choose to be happy.. Like someone told me something today.. She said i told her before, that being miserable is just a waste of time... I thought about it and i agreed with myself.. So here i am! Happy as a mule... Wtf? Wats a mule??? Nvm.. Doesn't matter.. The fact is, im trying my best to be happy.. And im so lucky to have my wonderful friends and family with me... I wouldn't exchange them for the world... Im fortunate to have pple who have concern for me.. And love me just for me.. So i have absolutely nothing to be miserable about... I shal stop ALL the self-pitying shit and start afresh... Im on my way to happiness... Wish my luck!! =)

Okok.. I sounded so super optimistic.. That's a change!! Lol.. =) Aite.. I'll go sleep now maybe perhaps should be... I dunno.. I just dun have anything to blog about anymore. If i blog on, the optimism might go downhill.. So ill stop here! Ciao!

P.S (HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZULFIKAH!!! MAY YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! *~YOUR HEART YOUR HEART~*)
Thursday, March 16, 2006

I don't know if he would read this but... =)

SYG!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!
Me and those three little poots...

Aite.. So yeah.. Zul's birthday is in two days time.. So here's wishing him happy birthday too!! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZUL!!! *My heart~ My heart~* =))

Well, today i went to school to study a little and then i went with Adek to AMK library to study somemore... Managed to study physics which is such an accomplishment... Thanks adek for being sucha great study partner.. =)

So i realise that i can pms like crazy.. It is WEIRD!!! I swear to god man... I hate my pms-ing days.. They just totally screw up the whole week... Sigh... I guess that's part of being a girl.. Damn bitch... Urgh.. I especially hate being a girl at times like this...

Well, it's been quite long since i talked to him.. Talk like really talk... I guess sometimes, time just don't play it right... I hate it when i can't see him... I can't talk to him... Just seem so god damn distant... Even though we get to see each other almost every other day... But sometimes there are just so many other factors that pull us apart again.. Maybe it's just me.. Haha.. Maybe i'm just missing him too darn badly... I should just keep my cool... Just play the game like it is supposed to be... =)

So you know? I've been thinking and i realise that it's been awhile since i've gotten someone that do special little things for me... Like surprise me... Do sweet little surprises... You know? And it feels like i've been doing all the sweet things... Be it for my friends or for whoever, i do those little things that i think might make their day... But sometimes it would be nice to get something back.. A hug, a kiss, a simple thanks for making my day message, or anything just to say that you're grateful i'm here... Maybe i'm just deprived of love lah... But i just want little cute and sweet surprises... It's been soooooo bloody long.... =(

There's flag day tomorrow at Tiong Bahru Plaza... Gotta be there so god damn early.. Fuck.. those people better donate or i'll beat their arses til it hurts... Haha.. Nah~ I'll just really really beg and hope beyond all hope you'll donate more and more... =) Damn... PLEASE!!! SOMEBODY SURPRISE ME TOMORROW!!!

Only way can surprise me is if Dil "happen" to go to tiong bahru tmr and say hi to me.. Haha.. If that happens.. I'll pray to all the god in the world then jump down my building and die... =) Cos someway somehow i know it will never happen... So it's all just wishful thinking... It's okay.. Life doesn't always give you chocoloates... So i'll just settle for sweets... =) Mandy's easy to please... Really... I'm not that hard to please.. AM I ?!?!?

Mandy's been really slack these days... I don't seem to care about anything... Trust me.. I would go "okokokokok~" even when you tell me you're gonna die... Fuck.. I think something's really wrong with me.. Lol... I should get a grip of myself... Shit happens..

Ooooooh~ My freakin' birthday's in one week time.. Presents anyone??? Haha.. No lah.. Don't buy me presents... Just come wish me a happy birthday and say that i make your life wonderful... Lol.. Righhhht.... Just laugh at my jokes lah.. It's the best present i can ever get... Just laugh at my jokes that day.. FOR THAT DAY ONLY!!! Lol.. Nah~ =)) My brithday ain't nothing to be happy about.. At least not now... =))

*I wanna grow old with you*
Sunday, March 12, 2006


AND... My brother and his friends doing it... Spoiler.... =) Posted by Picasa


Such a cute picture... My last words for you... Posted by Picasa


Just a random pic of the whoel hari raya thingy... =) Posted by Picasa


Kak jas and Abg hin.... =) STAB~~~ Posted by Picasa


My loved ones... Acting crazy... Posted by Picasa


Next my VGS!!! My other angels..... =) Posted by Picasa


Ok.... Waaaaaaay~~~ CUTER!!!! Posted by Picasa


How much cuter can he get??? Posted by Picasa


This picture is just funny.... Hahahahaha... Posted by Picasa


and how cheeky he can be at times... Posted by Picasa


My sweet sweet angel... Posted by Picasa
Thursday, March 09, 2006

I don't feel good... Yah... That's just about it....

*Lost the loving feeling* Oooooh~

Haha.. fuck... Im sick and tired and i have a blardy a maths test tmr... I should study. I HAVE been studying.. Really... Sigh.. I still have the mood to come blog... Im a fucking no bother fuckass man..

Urgh watever shit lah.. I dun think ill be blogging ever so often... I need time to think things thru... Unless i feel like crap and there's like no body to comfort me, then ill blog... Haha.. so easy to happen.. I feel like shit now.. He isn't pickin' up... =) Life's just great.. and it gets waaaay better...
Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Fooooor Whhhaaaaat????? Why people think i non chinese? I chinese!! And now Moufie calls me Malay!! Fooooor whhhaaaat??? I chinese!!! Then some say i indonesian... Eurasian... All also have... INDIAN also have... Number one ah!!! Haha... I where got look non-chinese??? I look like cheena seh!!! Wat the hell....??

Ok ah.. So today i super hyper lah... The hype was so huge i think i spread to so many people.. And half of them think im blardy crazy... Nice way to portray myself... Lol.. Just when i said i wanted to tone down eh? Then i dunno lah.. I hyper bcos of what i also tak tau... Then somemore i saw THE DIL at the end of the day... Which err..... made me MORE hyper... Haha... Some people should know... =))

Well, noting's real anymore.. I dun wanna spread the negativity lah... I dun have the guts to spread.. Shit happens waaaaay too often... Ok.. So anyways, anarchy kinda made this comment on her blog lah.. and no worries man... I dun mind it.. Ok.. Maybe it bothered me a little but nah~ Nothing big... I understand wat... Different view for different people.. So its okay... Im too caught up in my shit i cant even bother.. =)

Then so many things changing now... Like very big change... And i had this talk with two or rather THREE close friends today about some of my problems... And with their comments and motivation.. Im sure i can get thru this kinda stuff oh so easily.. I must really thank all of them... I wouldn't be this strong if it weren't for them... Sigh....

Today someone ask me what i would do if my bf tell me he values his friends more than me.. I tot about it for awhile and i realise... I would in a way respect him but being a girl and all i cant help but get hurt lah... Like dun say bf lah. Imagine you love this friend alot... Then she say she cherish her bf more than you.. You also feel hurt right?? Haha.. Vice versa... But then again.. I dunno if im at that situation or not bcos i feel i dunno anything now... Haha.. LIKE WHEN DO I EVER NOE ANYTHING>!?!??!!? Okay.. Nvm...

So watsup with pple calling me BB man? Ok ah... My breast not that big wat!!! So many other pple breast bigger than mine, FOOOOOR WHAAAAAT must pick me??? Lol.. Alah.. Watever lah.. call me watever you want.. But i have a feeling it wouldn't really be nice if syg hears wat they call me... I think like guys dun like right? Other pple call their gf dirrty names like that... So i guess better tone down ah... I dunno ah... I feel im the kinda boyfriend girlfriend material.. Like when you with me you prolly feel like you dunno if im your friend-friend or your girlfriend... So yeah.. Im telling you now.... I wanna be treated like a girl, at times... I need hugs too....

Haha... Ok lah ok lah... I dun wanna say lah.. Later you guys say i only fake only... Watever lah... You guys wanna treat me like anything you want i dun care lah... I just hope the pple that closer to me will know ah.. And will care.... =)

I cannot possibly blame someone for not knowing what to do right? Like i bet he's wlling to learn its just he doesn't know... So i shouldn't blame anyone right? Like, maybe its not that he dun layan me... Maybe its just he dunno how to... Like how me and my family... I guess he need time to adpt like what abg say... THX ABG!!! For being sucha sweetie pie and telling me you will try your best to TEACH him.. Lol... How to be evil eh?? Lol....

THX ADEK!!! For that hug i sooo needed.... And i am so happy tazzie has a meaning in your life... It was like a smile on your face i will encrave in my mind.. so when ever i go "Shuuu shuuuu" You noe who i think of? I think of you cos you bring smiles to my face!! =)

Anyways, back to being hyper active today... I was soooo noisy i think i barely heard myself talking... I managed to study a little bit though.. SERIOUS!!! I did!!! No joke okay?!!?!? Yah.. Then i had this little race with Abg... I felt like running lah... I guess to relieve stress... Yupps! and i managed to release it... Thx abg once again.. YAH!! for giving in to me.. =) Lol.. Learning to be a gentleman now.. Coooool.... Lol...

So i was so hyper i made jokes outta nothing at all.. Just that now i think it was funny... cos i managed to make a couple of smiles and the people ard me was laughing.. I reckon i said something funny... Cos nobody else seem to be making jokes except me... =)) HEY!! It's a compliment to myself!! Accept it... =) Serious, i like it when i make pple luagh.. I feel accomplished... Heh heh... Born to be an entertainer.. Haha.. Obviously i am!!! I mean i create drama after drama.. I make pple laugh once in a while... I attitude once in awhile... Eh!! Like diva seh!!!! Just that diva pretty ah... I not pretty.... =)

Then nowadays dunno what happening to pple's eye.. keep saying i pretty or CHIO!!! WTF?!?!? I am soooo not any of those.. I would be happier if you just tell me im funny... =) Like i have humour all lah... And dun give me sarcasm... I hate it.. and ill throw it back at you... Especially sarcasm when you critising me.... Wanna say something say it straight in my face!! I will acceppt it graciously... Unless you step over the line ah... =) So bottomline, Mandy not pretty.. Not cute. Not chio.. No BB... Mandy NOT fierce... OKAY?!?!?! ok....

So i asked a couple of sec ones today how i was during camp and all results says that i was PER-WEE-TEE scary... And Moufie was scarier they say... Some say i stricter... But moufie shout more... Some say i not so fierce.. Some say i shout too loud... Haha. Can imagine if i shout soft.. Like i could have accomplish ANYTHING?!?!? NOOO! DEFINITELY nothing would be done.. They were a bunch of noisy brats i tell you...

I tried to make them comprehend that i HAD no choice!!! But they were determined that i am fierce and i like souting at them.. So oh wells, im trying to change my image... Im a good girl i say, but they are smart enough not to believe me.. So i made a couple of sweet new friends.. Some of whom told me some stuff which i cannot reveal.. And ALL of whom didn't know if i was mly or chinese... Forget it.. I give up... I should put on make up and act chinese opera-ish so no one will noe.. Ahahahaha. fuck... I imagine myself in the costume going around school.. Cb... Like ghost ah.. Haha.. Then they ask me you chinese or mly?? Then i sing mly song... Hahha.... That would be a weird scene... =))

So i realise this real pretty mly girl in 1n2 i think... Or was it 1n1?? Ah wtv lah..But i think she pretty.. Wats her name? Amirah i think.. Pretty ah she.. Haha.. Like she gansta sia!! She ask me whether i rmb she stare at me.. I cannot seh.. So prolly she dun like me ah.. Its ok.. We shall start anew!! Lol... Haha.. I noe ah.. Alot of pple thru camp dun like me cos i really shout alot.. Lol.. Im not like that actually.. Haha. BEDEK!!! Ok lah.. I do shout once in a frequent while... But i shout only when i pissed what. When you pissed you dun shout you will burst inside.. And thats worse!! =) Im a nice kid inside.. TRUST ME!! NOT fierce at all...

Haha.. Ok lah. This post long ah.. Wtv.. BYE!
Sunday, March 05, 2006

I AM SO BLARDY FATHA MUCKING PISSED!!! Like i haven't been this stressed up about ONE particualr issue so much since dunn when!!! How can he be so "smart"???? Huh?? Oh where did i go wrong!?!? I noe ultimately its MY fault.. Cos eventually one way or another ill find something that IS actually MY fault.. But fuck am i piss now!!! I mean how funnily clever can one get!??!?!? Yes i want honesty!!! But there are just some things you know you cant let me noe!!! I love you and you're telling me there's someone else on your blardy mind?!?!? Why dun you just take a gun out NOW and shoot me!!! Huh? Wtf is this!??!? I noe, i am open yes!! i dun mind you telling me you think she's fucking adorable... But telling me she's been on your mind is like literally fucking me upside down!! Cb... Im damn pissed at everything!! I just freaking let it all out on samuel!!! fuck!! I am pissed!! Yes! I dun even wanna talk to that person now!!!

How am i suppose to stay calm and not get pissed??? The bloody person you're so in love with tells you that there's someone else in that bloody mind!!! Oh holy mother of gawd im so blardy fired up!!! I wanna strangle someone and shout out that i AM FUCKING PISSED!!!

Shit lah.. I noe lah.. Im not that fucking thinkable... Not cute so you can go think about that person lah.. I noe ah.. You say i pretty... So the fucking wat!??!? Huh? There's someone prettier on your mind? And you think about that person often right? Only now you're stupid enough to tell me... Oh my gosh you have SOOOO blardy much to learn!!! Dun you know girls get paranoid and tend to think a whole blardy lot!??!? Fuck,.. DIE!!!!
Saturday, March 04, 2006

Like EEEEEW!!! Ever realise how many thousands of different people you can see when you just browse through all your friends friends in friendster?!??! Oh my gawd!! I haven't amuse myself this much ever since sooooo long ago!! Lol.. Seriously, i can so laugh at the many people i see... Especially those that really put so much effort in it... I have no idea why... Lol... But i mean, i shouldn't comment on anything else lah... I'll let MoT do those dirty jobs.. Lol...

Haha.. BUDDEN~!!!! BUT!!! But there are sometimes really cute guys... Lol.. And occasionally those that i would go like WHOA!!!!!! Lol.... So it's really not such an eye sore... And something to pass the time away when im bored... Seriously, how can i stop?!?!? When im laughing so blardy often.. I haven't laughed this much to the computer ever since NEVER!! Lol... I should do this more often... =))

So anyways, today was spent mostly studying with Dek and Moufie.. Sookie came in half way through.. So coincidental!!! And i have to thank her for helping me with my trigo identities... =)) THANK YOU!!! And after moufie left.. We studied a little while more before Dek couldn;y stand the cold any longer.. So we left and met Anarchy... Which we spent some time eating and then shopping a little.. Was nice... today was nice.. At least i didn't spend it wastefully at home... I studied a little.. Hopefully i pass my damn a maths test next week...

So ill be going to the swimming pool tmr to observe bryan in his lessons... Lol.. would be so much fun.. I bet he'll make a joke of himself either way... Lol.. He's such a cutie pie... But at times he can be such a NAG!!! And such an irritating brat!!! I mean the brat part i totally comprehend... BUT BEING A NAG!!??!?!? AT his age is just soooo not right!!! I mean he sounds like my mother at times!! This cannot be happening.. He's gonna grow up as a naggy little brother and i shall totally NOT listen to him bcos he's my YOUNGER BROTHER!!! And he's a nag.. So yeah...

So i got quite a few pushes this week... alot of pple that i really care for old me stuff... and tell me i can do it... Yeah.. Just wanna say thanks.. And it helped.. Really... From the bottom of my heart.. You guys wun know how much it helped until you see the results... I am, TRYING!!! My best to work hard and do good... So please, dun give up on me... Not yet at least.... Not yet... =) I love you guys... My VGs, Kak, Abg, Syg and some others... You guys mean the world to me... I love you guys... =)) Stay with me... I need you guys to strive!!!! Together!!!! We conquer!!! =)

Okays.. Shall go now.. BYE!
Thursday, March 02, 2006

I thank the big one above for my adek, my vgs, my family, and my syg... I thank him cos withouut them i wouldn't be here... =)

Ok.. So adek followed me to go visit syg today.. Lol. It was waaaaay cooler than i tot... Like i was totally nervous and i couldn't stop talking bullshit and i got so damn high i was laughing at every single joke i was making myself!!! Like seriously, even an ant moved and i would laugh bcos i was way nervous man.. Like i didn't noe wat to do or how to act or wat to say... But seeing my syg made it so much better... Seeing him was like soothing to my heart.... Like suddenly all he bad things just flew away... And then it was just LIKE, lidat y'know? Lol.. Damn i love that little poot til death...

And so i have met his mummy and his sister and his grandmummy... Today was wonderful.. Except in the morning when i realise he wasn't in school which totally pissed me off bcos i was really looking forward to today.... Yah.. So i realise that blardy 6 days of not seeing him really affects my mood... I get pissed and frustrated way easily... So i guess, i should learn to stop depending on him to make my day.. Like i should be happy on my own accord... I shouldn't be so dependent on my syg and my vgs to make me smile.. Cos they cannot be there for me 24/7... Even if we all try our best to be there for each and other... so i should be dependent only on myself....

Sigh.. I sooo gotta get my damn butt down to study... And study hard i SHOULD!!! If only i could, and would!!! Wat the hell am i saying?!?! Okay, my results are shit... Ok? SHIT i tell you isn't something i should mess with.... My results can kill ten nerdifide students... My results are crap... If i dun buck up anytime soon, its goodbye to mandy wandy... Serious, everyone tells me i can do it if i just put my heart into it... WHERE IN THE BLUE MOON IS MY HEART?!?!? So in the first plae there is no "heart" and "passion" into studying... So where the mumu am i s'pose to get the motivation to study??? And yeah.. I WANNA make it in life.. Of course!! But for WHAAAAT?!?!??!? Yeah, its the only thing i feel im depending on to make my family proud.. But for WHAAAT!?!!???!? Life aint' dloing so well.... I ain't doing so well.. So for WHAAAAT i study!?!??! Dun misinterpret this... Its not that i dun wanna!!! It's i dunno how ta!! =)

Ok.. Yeah. These damn stuff stresses me out like a cow without milk... WTF?!?!I dun even noe how a cow without milk feels like but yeah.. You get wat i mean... Hmm, ok.. Negativity aside!! Lets all stay freaking HAPPY!! I promised some people i would.. So i shall!!! =))

You wouldn't believe it if i said i was smiling now right?? Good... Cos then you'll be smart... Cos i ain't smiling... Haha.. I dunno. Just felt like saying that... Maybe in my twisted mind i tot that was sarcastic in a sense... Oh wells, im just being me....

So, let me tell you how i feel about myself in all opposite aspects of wat i REALLY feel about myself...

Im totally adorable.. Very pretty,sexy and effing hott!!! Im like the best person in the world... Nothing can bring me down... Im the funniest girl in town.. The most outstanding personality and totaly lovable in every way.. My smile is like a gift sent from above... I look myself in the mirror and wonder why god didn't share some of this beauty with the world... I give myself a pat on the shoulder for spreading some love everyday... I smile like its the last day ill be able to... No tears can come to my eyes... Talking bout eyes, i have KILLER eyes!!! Im like the most beautiful person alive... And i love myself.. I love myelf sooo blardy much...

There's like so many more things i can say but then you wouldn't have the time to interpret them al in the opposite meaning... So yeah.. I guess thats all the animosity i can spread. Wat in the blue hell is animosity?? It reminds me of the song "where is da love!?!?!?" Lol... Okays.. I shall leave!!! And ponder about wat i just typed!! Goodnight!!! Sleep tight! Get out of sight! Let the bed bugs bite! Dun fight!! You just might!!! Break a neck.. Bye!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Ok... Just a short update... i had a little talk with Moufie today.. And then after i had fun with Adek having ice kacang... Well, today was a nice day... Not bad, but not good... Just aite... I've been thinking about nth.. basically most of the day was spend stoning in class... And since there was no maths today cos Mdm ong was absent.... It was pretty slackish... Got back some test results and lets just say i should pull my socks so high even Mr singh would want me to lower it down... Serious.. I suck at studying... I should change.. Im making people worry... Im making ME worried...

Wells, its been 5 blardy days since i saw my syg... Saddening but true.. I miss him loads... Sigh.. i wonder if he's recovered.. I dun wanna call or sms him cos i dun wanna be disturbing him do i!??!?! So ill just keep that damn lingering missing-ness to myself... Haha... I hope he's alright though.. Like nothing serious.. It's getting me all worried... 3 days off school is like bigg time sick!!! I need to see him!!! I really do... I wanna know that he's okay.. I noe the phone is like totally usable, BUT!!! But i really dun wanna disturb him... *sigh* I better just wait.. He'll call me when he's ready.. When he's all fully recovered... =) Urgh.. I just freakin miss him lah... Wtv....

So all these negativity stuff? dun worry bout it mahn... Im trying my damn best to stay happy.. Hopefully i can.. Seriously, i dun want no negativity shit no more.. Enough its enough... =) Yah.. And ill be toning down a little.. So if you see me all quiet and stoning, its not that im depressed(maybe), it's just i dun wanna be so loud and outgoing no more... Its pays NUTS to be like that... So ill tone it down.. Slow down the pace.. So maybe i wun be that stressed up... =)

Yupps.. So i guess thats about it... I really miss him.. Should i call him? Why am i acting like a wuss!?!?!?! Huh?! Why? If i want i should just sms him or something right?!?! Lol.. Haha.. We'll see... i dun wanna think of anything right now... Stoning is just perfect fer now! =)) So let me stone!!! Til something undeserving come along!! And spoil it ALL!! Lol.. *love* =)