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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Well... This week have been filled with many ups and many downs. The downs, lets just not talk about it. The ups, well they were great. I love my life now. Even though many things are threatening to go wrong... I love it bcos i know i have alot of people with me. I have Them to accompany me thru the bad times and good. So im not complaining anymore. Everything's going relatively good.

Hmmm, i wanna dedicate a nice post. To my sweetheart, Farhan. I know he reads this once in awhile just to find out what i blog about. So i hope he reads this. =) Well, it started off really nice. Both of us, although not official were happy together. And we been thru well, ALOT !! Like serious drama-fide stuff and all. We almost lost each other but i guess we were just meant to be together. And WAHLA ~~ Now im so glad we gave it a second try. Im very happy with him. And i feel blessed to have him as my boyfriend. I guess it's really time for me to settle down. Stop being so y'know.... yeah.. Haha.. It just feels different here. Okay, i know i say that all the time. But trust me on this. I think.. I probably know, that this is THE ONE. Okay.. I know i sound naive and childish and nonsensical. But if you were me, and you knew him. You'll be swept off your feet too. He's just the ultimate best. I love that sweetie of mine so much. And im not afraid to show it to the world and tell everyone.

I mean in the past i prefer to keep it low profile. Cos y'know.. Open up your possibilties. But nah~ That's no good anymore. I know i wanna be with him for life(if possible) so why keep it low profile like keep it from others? Well here's one change in me i see. There are many more. But it'll take me ten years to name 'em all. If you guys wanna see how blessed i am with this special dude. Just ask us out. He's the ultimate i tell you. The sweetest mumu ill ever get and i just cant get enough of him. Yea sure we have rough patches. But going thru them together with him is wonderful itself. So long i know he's by my side, i don't doubt my future. =) I dun even know what that means but yeah.. He's just great. And he's mine!! Thats the best part. Haha...

I mean, i think adek can tell im happy too. She seems happy. Im so glad. It's kinda my first time i feel like everyone around me accepts my decision and think i made it right. I dunno. My baby's good at convincing pple that he's the right one for me. Lol. Maybe im just blinded by love. But who cares. I love him. nobody can do anything about that. Except him maybe. Haha... =) THIS !! Is me and love... This is DA life!! Nth can be better than being so much in love and being with the person of your ultimate affection. Loves it~ Haha...

I guess i better not say too much too. It's suppose to be special. Between the two of us. Lol. I guess.... I dunno. Im still just trying to be what im trying to be.. Haha.. HUH?!?!?! Tak faham... Haha.. Nvm... I was told im pretty today!! Lol. Im so happy. Lol.. Cos why? I like lying to myself that im pretty. Skiddin lah. I have no comments to my outter appearance. Sometimes i think i look abso-fucking-lutely fugly. Sometimes i think its not that bad after all. Sometimes i love it. Sometimes it doesnt bother me. Haha.. This is me.. Ever since dunn when i havent been trying to look good for anyone. So now, there's someone whom i love so much who likes me to dress up. It's gonna tke me some getting used to dressing up. Make-up and all.. Heels that hurt.. skirts that threaten to fly and show case my bottom to everyone. Tops that show a lil too much but look kinda nice. I just hope i got that same confidence to wear those. I feel, retarded... Like its been really long since i dressed up nicely to go out on a date. Lol.. Help....

But it's okay. It doesnt harm me. Just takes up abit more time. Im willing to do it. So longs somebody appreciates it im fine with it. Lol. But just don't laugh at me. That will puncture my pride and confidence. Lol. Give me some hope. Lol... I know i dun look as good as Fiona Xie or whoever guys always thinks are hott. But come on.. Im trying to look the best i can alr.. Don't laugh ah.. Very demeaning to my pride ah... Haha.. =) Okay.. I dunno why im spouting so much crap here today. Guess im just bored. Plus im SUPPOSED to be studying... =(

I miss him... There's almost no way of me contacting him. I really miss him alot. So much so every thing i see or do just reminds me of him. How? Why am i so sticky paste. Lol. SPACE MANDY !!! You need to stop "tensioning"... Haha... Maybe i should go play a few rounds of story telling with poker cards. Her taught me how to play them. Lol.. It's kinda fun.. Haha... alrightohs!! I shall go now then.. Hopefully i hear from him soon... =)

Oh yah!! Today i kinda helped two couples. Im so happy. YAY!! Haha... I hope everything turns out fine for them The love doctor's always open!! Haha. Like what Alif say "anything just picit.." Haha.. Wtv that means... Lol.. OKAY !! tonight is studying night. I hope i study.. Help....
Thursday, October 26, 2006

Today is mostly spent at home. Well at least i tried frying chicken and it turned out nice. Haha. And i didn't splatter as much as usual. Lol. Improvement. Im ready to be a housewife now. hahaha. Wth.. NOOO !!! I havent learn how to make that cornflakes thing Sollihin's mom makes so well. I love it. Im craving for another bite of it. SOLLIHIN !!! CALL YOUR MOM!!! Hahaa.. I love that cornflakes thingy. Abso-fucking-lutely delicious. Loves. Haha.

So today's alright. Later is gonna be fun. I think there's something. I can't wait to have fun there. I can't say much in case i ruin it. But oh wells... It's so gonna be totally awesome. This dinner out is gonna be worth it. Although im trying to save money by eating home. Maybe i wun eat much. Just rice. Haha. But the show's gonna be great. Gonna make me melt alot. OKAY! Shhhh!! Must keep low profile. don't wanna be a spoiler don't i?? Haha..

Aites aites... So yesterday I kinda over reacted. I shouldn't worry anymore next time. Im sure most of the time i worry its just plain nonsensical feelings. Lol. Hey, im 16! Im still going thru puberty, i think.. Gimme a break. I worry. I nag. I think i won't have a problem being a typical mom in future. Haha. Everyone says i nag (bising)... Ok. Fine. If care and concern means nagging.. Then you guys want me to do what? I care what. Thats why i nag. See lah!! I nagging again. Fishcakes narden... Im soooo naggy even i can't take it sometimes. Lol. It's in my blood. Forgive me.. Hahah.

Hmmmm, i think im starting to be happy again. Maybe it's just temporary. But it's still good. It's been awhile i felt like this. Like, truly happy. And yeah. I guess bliss. I dunno. I reallyhope things stya this way. Stop going wrong for me at every turn. Stop screwing up. Im really happy. let it stay this way for awhile please. Just for awhile. No quarrels with friends, family and boyfriend. No problem with studying. No fatigue, no terrible sickness, no headaches. Life is good now. Let it stay pwease??? I hope.. Lol.. HOPE !!! is always good.. Haha. Im contradicting what i said yesterday. Well, i still cant decide. Is hope good or bad?? I wonder. Seriously. I wonder...

I still need to buck up alot for my studies.. there's something i need to discuss with a certain someone but i dunno how to put it. Adek says i should give it a try and that if it's true, it will work. Hers worked out fine i guess. I guess i need help too. And i need to ask it from someone. I hope that someone understands. Im gonna do it tonight or as soon as possible i guess. I hope for the best. Wow. I used hope. Lol. HOPE... Might just be fine.. Lol.. Just fine...

Okey dokeys! I gotta go for dinner soon. All you poodles out there enjoy your weekends aites! And selamat hari raya babehs!! Lol.. toodles..
Wednesday, October 25, 2006

O levels in bloosy one week. And im not doing anything related to studying. Everyone is. I heaqrd even the slackers that i know of are.. Who out there is being like me? Nobody, i suppose. Im sucha suckass. I really must study but i just cant stand the thought of studying. It's fucking alien man. Shit.

Okays. Today i went to Sol's house for a bday party-cum-open house. It was great. Had great snacks, great food, great people. Was nice being there. Bought him a shirt that wrote "AWESOME" on it. He thought we were saying he was awesome. That dumbass. Lol. We were trying to say WE were awesome. Haha. But whatever makes him sleep better at night. Haha.. His sister was uber cute. Made me kinda hope i had one. Damn. Don't hope too much. Hoping is bad for health.

Im cranky now. Im VERY CRANKY now. Nobody should be talking or trying to come near me now. If my brother ends up trying to use the comp now we might just end up fighting. I cannot be disturbed now. I feel the urge to kill. It's wrong, im gonna sin. I dunno why. I feel fucked up. Where the hell is he?!?!?!? It's killing me!!! IT IS !!! There is no bloody means of contacting him. And i tried almost everything! What am i suppose to do? doesn't he know that im fucking worried? Wth.. Can't he at least just give a call for 10 secs saying he's bloody alright. Fuck lah. I can't sleep. I can't study. WTF can i bloody do!?!? Blog. Stupid dumbhoe blog blog blog. Effed up slut.

Ok. I think im way over my head. I shouldn't worry. Why should i? Why should i worry? When i worry it's like "unneccessary".. Gosh. I dunno what to say. I AM WORRIED !!!! How do i get to him?!?!?! He's not at home.. His phone cant be reached. No calls from unknown numbers. Screwed piece of fucked up shit. Why couldn't i at least get a call to at least know he's alright??? Or did i screw up again? Oh hell... I most probably did. I ALWAYS screw up.. Haha.. Always.. Spoilt wat.. Mandy's spoilt....

So just now after Sol's house i went out with Azuara, Esan(or wtv his name is), and another guy friend of his. Went to orchard, cine, PS.. Dunno where the hell we ended up at anyway. We wanted to watch a movie but the timing was too late for me and i had no cash. Sorry dudes. But we had lotsa fun. Seeing them lots do crazy stuffs and joining in the fun by adding oil.. Lol. I had fun lesbianing with Azura too. Lol. We almost make out again just for fun. She wanted to video it. Hahah. We had cream puffs for dinner and bananarilla for drinks. Lol. While the guys had Old chang kee for dinner and Big gulp for drinks. It sounds bloody boring. But i guess it was alright. At least something to take my mind off not being able to contact him. Actually i was hoping he was with them. Cos it was Alif's bday and all, thought he would be chilling with them. Screw it i was wrong, again.. But anyways, i had fun. Thanks Azura for the cream puffs, they were yummy! Lols...

Yeaps. Today is filled with goods and bads. But the bads is really killing me. It's very bothering. I cant sleep without getting it off my mind first. And i cant do anything!! Do you know how frustrated that is for me!?!? Fishcakes. I hope i get a call. Just a call. From anyone. I just need a call. At least give me some hope. YOU SEE !!! Hope kills man. Hope is bad for health. I shall never hope again. Hoping is for dumbfucks. Lol. Skiddin.

Aites. I got nothing more to blog about. If i go on ill prolly be talk more crap and more crap and more crap. So i should stop. Im not whining..Im not spoilt man... Screw it...
Tuesday, October 24, 2006

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL MY MUSLIM FRIENDS.. And every one else too.. It's a racial harmony thing.. Ahahaha... Aites. So i had RENDANG TODAY!!! Thanks to Aunty Aziza, my mum's ex colleague.. She's so sweet. Lol. And she has two sons i think.. Yeaps. x)

Aites. So Rendang was good. Watched a lil of Die Heart on channel 5 there too. Wow. It's a great show i must say.. Should watch it... Anyways, tmr's somebody's birthday. Somebody special to me in a way or another. SOLLIHIN !!! That evil nemesis of mine.. That brother of mine.. That evil genius... Haha... We never fail to crack each other up with our lame evil jokes and evil plans that most of the time end up being jacked.. Lol. He's also nice, to talk to, and to have fun with. Really appreciate our friendship. So i wana wish him, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO !!! Let our evilness never stop. Endless evil friendship dude!! Rock on... Hahaha... Thats so me getting crazy.. No wories. Sollihin is just as crazy as me eh?? Aren't you bro? Hahah....

And come to think of it. It's Dannyanand's birthday too! Yeahs. I wonder if he still keeps that bling bling we bought for him last year. That was hott man... And it cost us quite a bomb. I guess i was too infatuated with him i just wanted to get him something.. Ahahahahah. Shhhh... Don't tell him... Lol.. So to Dannyanand, HAPPY BDAY TOO!!

Kk.. Back to normal stuff.. Lol.. I guessi shouldn't blog about too personal stuff here anymore. I think i offended some people. But sometimes i just feel more comfortable talking about it here. Like at least the comp won't argue with me. And at least the comp won't hang up on me. Or be majok with me. I just feel more free and open. But i guess im just thinking of myself. Or to say it directly, acting like a SPOILT BRAT! Yeah. I wanna apologise to everyone, if i have in any way, offended you guys, or acted childish, and SPOILT! Im gonna try not to portray a SPOILT image bcos im NOT SPOILT! Please believe it...

Ok. Im just obsessed over the word spoilt. People have convinced me that i haven't been acting reasonably these days. I mean, I thought i was trying... I WAS!! I tried to understand... But nobody could see it... Haha.. Guess i should just stop trying. The harder i try the harder i fall. I should just leave it to fate or destiny or all those shit i never used to believe in before. Guess im giving up trying. Im still gonna try and be myself. Never will stop.. But im just not gonna try to please everyone anymore. If they cant take me for me, then i guess "fate" isn't on our side. Ok wait.. I can never differentiate what fate and destiny is. WHAT IS THE GOD DAMN DIFFERENCE?!?!? It's just excuses people use to explain how things happen.. I don't believe in it.. Prove me wrong, anybody....

I have been having outburst of emotions lately. Very frequent. And it's over very trivial issues.. I wonder if there's something im doing wrong now. Am i hiding my feelings again? I don't even know what im going thru. They talk like they think im self centred. A self centred person won't even give a damn. Im sorry. Im not gonna make anything about me anymore. From now on, i won't use my past examples or my life examples to show people that their life ain't that bad after all. I realise that it doesn't work all the time. Plus, my life ain't that bad.. Im bad, not my life.. Haha...

Right... I got nth more to say here. Buh bye!
Saturday, October 21, 2006

This is just dumb ... I think fighting like this over something so dumb is dumber... If she thinks having conflict justifies what she's doing then so be it... Im the only one amongst us all TRYING to do something and i get this shit.. Maybe i should learn from the rest and just don't give a shit... Yah.. I've done my part, i don't have any conscience bothering me anymore. If she doesn't wanna stop or CAN'T stop ... Go look for professional help.. I can't do no shit now.. It's all up to her... Friendship is still there. Im not gonna let one small dumb fuck thing spoil it... But don't come talk to me about this dumb issue anymore. It doesnt bother me..

So, today's deepavali.. Happy Deepavali to those who are celebrating it ... =) Yeah. And im bored as hell on Deepavali.. How amusing .... I wish there was something for me to do, other than studying. I haven't been studying much lately.. I just can't put my mind into it.. The most my concentration can last is half an hour. That's pathetic i know... But fuck im trying...

Oh and im sick. Sick like a sickie... Haha.. The damn doctor gave me a whole load of medicine and i don't feel like eating it... My nose is killing me.. Can't stop sneezing. I swear, indonesia is a bloody whore. STOP BURNING THOSE DAMN FORESTS!!! Leave them alone fuckasses... Burn burn burn.. You bloody burn in hell sluts!!! Create pollution to the world.. You think you can do that and just not care about the consequences??! Bloody indonesia... Fuck you asses... Stupid dumbhoes... People are getting freaking sick and you guys still burning the damn forests... Burn your asses down to hell fuckers...

Okay.. Why am i so frustrated today!?!? It's not PMS im sure.. Not YET anyways... Maybe boredom just brings me to the wrong moods... I need something fun to do... I wanna go play arcade... Wow... It's been a loooong time you hear me say that.. I wanna go play arcade.. That's so Primary school mandy... Usually the 2006 Mandy just says "I wanna go chill out.. somewhere, anywhere..." Guess somethings change, and somethings NEVER change... Alwright.... I changed. for the worse or for the better, i realy don't give a damn now... So long i change constantly... I don't wanna stay in the same misery for so long.. It's tiring...

Right... Someone told me recently that im pampered. Yes, i admit it. I appreciate my life. I am pampered. I mean, although i don't own Guccis and Diors, or Pradas... I still am pampered bcos i get almost everything i want. There's nothing in my life i can really complain about and get people to empathise with me. So i admit it, i am pampered. But THAT!! Doesn't mena i cannot empathise. That doesnt mean i cannot try to understand what others are going through.. I don't go like " Hey your problems are shit lah.. Just don't think about it.. LET'S GO SHOPPING!!" I would TRY to understand if you let me... But if you just block me out bcos you think i will never understand.. Screw it... That's not my fault.. I tried... Okay i admit it.. I get a lil bit pissed when i hear people say " You'll never truly understand what im going through.."

Come on lah.. If that's already in your mind.. Even if i try, you wouldn't let me.. That my friend, is part of self-pity.. Let people in!! I've been through shit too.. Who hasn't? Just don't wallow in your own misery. Especially when you have at least ONE person who cares so much about you.. Please just let me try to understand... I know i will never get it, one way or another. But either way, at least you won't be in it alone.. If just bcos im pampered and i was born into a good life you condemn me.. Then what do you want me to do?? Huh?? Screw all and just be poor?? Life doesn't work like that sweetie.. Thinsg go wrong all the time! More for some, less for some.. But no matter what there's always someone somewhere willing to help. Maybe even if i try to help i can't... But don't brush me off cos im not capable of helping. Im willing to care. Is it wrong?

I dunno how to get this thru to him. That im always there. Whenever something bad happenes or when he cant get something. He overlooks that he has me.. Am i not there? Even though i keep quiet, it doesnt mean i don't care. It's just i dunno what to say to make it better. After all words are, just words. And whenever i say something that trigger more emotions, i get blown off. Am i not just trying to help? But it's okay. If being someone's emotional punching bag is good for the person i care for.. Then so be it.. I'll take the punches.. It's not like im not trying to help. HELP ME TO HELP YOU!!! If you want help, please just don't expect me to know that you're in shit. Tell me.. I can't promise i can get you wat you want.. But i can promise ill be there. If you're frustrated ill be there. If you're hurt i wipe your wounds. If you cry ill clean your tears. If you shout ill shout with you. Just don't blow me off like im a nobody. Im getting that from alot of people..

What is it that im doing wrong this time?!?!? Being pampered!??! Am i acting like a spoilt brat!?!? Do i whine and whine til i get what i want!?!? If that's the case ill have a PSP now, and Xbox, and so many other materialistic stuff. I don't go for those. I really don't. So don't judge me by the things i have. Judge me by the things i do... Yeah. Sure, i do bad things at times. Who doesn't? There's no pure angelic human on earth. Not even those priests in your church, not even those monks in your temple... No offence to religions here.. But come on!! Everyone's just trying to survive here.. Give each other a break time to time.. Give YOURSELf a break... And yeah, dying is never the way out.. It just ends your misery and starts others.. Please dun be a selfish fuck..

Aites. I think i better stop now before i use more vulgarities. Everything everyone's said to me is coming back.. Im pampered.. Im not spoilt... Fuck those who think that i cant empathise.. You don't know me... Screw it..
Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Alwright!!! I see everyone blogging about grad night. For me, it wasn't special. It wasn't anything. It was maybe, just a lil boring... I was making a hell lot of nuisance to everyone around me. I cant sit still in such occasions.. I get really restless and i start fidgeting... Im like a kid... Haha. Bite me...

Today i got a treat from my sweetheart. Sakura at city hall.. It was yummy yummy love in my fat tummy after that cos the food was great. Lemon chicken with beef fried rice. WOOO!! And that wanton thingy.. AWESOME-FIDE!! It was nice.. THANKS BABY!!

So i studied a lil today.. Physics. I think im getting arogant at it. Its like the qns most of them i know. So i feel arrogant.. I better chg my mindset.. But chemistry.. gosh oh gosh do i suck at it.. But its ok. My sweet sweet adek has kindly said yes to coaching me right from the basics in it. So hopefully i do better. My results for prelims is the worse amongst the VGS. And prolly the worse anywahere too! I gotta buck up. Im not doing enough. Gotta pull up some dirrty smelly socks for real...

So tmr ill be going studying. Miss my Vgs alot. I've lost alot of time with them.. Gotta work it out somehow... Aites. I'll go now.. Short posts for now cos im tired.. Lol..

There's something wrong with my damn blog. First the damn tagboard. Now i cant click on the words to link. Crap. Freaking irritating. I think im gonna make a new blog if this persist. Just a god damn simple one. Nobody really reads this damn blog anyways. Its just a place for me to vent my thoughts when nth else works. Haha. Aites. Sorry for the damn damn damns... Im a lil sick, a lil frustrated and very bored. =) good day to all.. !
Sunday, October 15, 2006

Everything so effed up. So many things i gotta prove. fuck lah. i feel like giving up but i cant. And i lost my fucking phone. I barely had it for half a year. I lost it. My first fucking phone. That i paid for myself. I lost it. Fuck. But i thank my parents. they've been wonderful. They bought me a better phone!! They're the best. I cant ask for better parents than that. I love them all soooo much. I wanna hug them and say thanks. but then again, thats another something i havent overcome. Sigh...

I hate my life now. It's so screwed. I cant do anything right. I try! I try to do things differently this time. It still gets screwed. I wanna give up. Really. Irritating shit. Bloody O's are coming soon too. I need a god damn break. Eff it. Take it im dead. for tonight... Ha...
Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I'm attached now. I have a BOYFRIEND! And his name is Mhd Farhan B Annuar ... We've known each other for a lil while. And i guess we really clicked it off from the start. We've been thru quite abit alr. I enjoy my time with him. He makes me laugh. =) and he did a really cute surprise for me. He bought me a ring and surprised me. First he gave me a pack of yummy chocolates. And i thought thats really sweet enough. Then he said he got something else for me but he forgot to bring it along. So i was like its ok. Then when we were just chilling out at the esplanade rooftop, suddenly he took out this small light blue ring box. Then he said "I think this is quite nice eh.." in sucha casual tone.

It took me a minute to let it all register. THAT IS THE THING!! I was like "Are you kidding me?" He just gave me the nicest smile ever. And i was really shocked. My heart beat speeded over limit. And then he said open it. So i opened it. And i saw the bloody coolest ring ever!! Like the kinda black silvery ones. Those i've always been wanting to get. Well, you wanna know what he said it is made of? He said it is made up of US. Me and him. Haha. Ok. This guy is really trying his best to fulfil my love fantasies. And gosh oh gosh is it working. Plus he bought a chain with it so i can wear it as a necklace. Fishcakes. We were fasting then so i just gave him a peck on the cheeks and thank him a whole lot. My smile was easily noticeable from 10 miles away. If you were in Africa and i was there, you'd prolly STILL see my smile. Lol.

That was cool luh. Nobody ever did really surprise me in sucha way before. I swear i could have melted more and more until im left with nothing. But then who would be there to show him some love if i melted all the way? Lol. For him, i stopped myself from melting too much.. Hahaha.. What rubbish.... Oh yah. One thing about him is, i hate seeing him stressed out. Just hate it. No idea why. Just utterly hate it when he's in a bad mood. Sometimes i cant help it but be the core of his stress. But i just really hope im not always the problem luh.

Lol. Im always the problem aren't i? Problem kid at home. The friend that gives off problems. Problem girlfriend. Problem person. Im just THE PROBLEM! Lol. All i wish now is acceptance. For the things i do, the things i say, i want acceptance from you guys. I may not always be what you want me to be, but i keep on trying. But when you guys just refuse to see what im seeing in my world. It hurts. Haha. I guess this is for a few of my loved ones luh. Im sorry i can't do the things you wish i can do. I just hope for acceptance now. I wanna be normal too. Like you guys, where we can all go out and have fun with each other and no ulterior motive behind it. I just wanna be a normal friend. Just want you to know im trying to make you guys happy for me. Guess the things i always do is always wrong. Haha. Go figure...

Eh! how come from something so perfect and nice i talk about such emo stuff. Bleah~ Ok. Back to reality. =) Im gonna graduate soon now. 12th Oct 06 ... Grad day. Damn. am i gonna miss school ? I wanna work. Screw school. I know when i work ill say i wanna study. But who cares. I wanna earn money so i can spend money. If i spend money now i feel like im spending someone else's money and it just doesnt feel right. I wanna keep the money in my bank for my family. So y'know. Just in case. Haha. Im bored. I don't think i should blog no more. I feel weird. Something's stirring inside me and i cant figure it out. Screw it. I wanna go sleep.
Monday, October 09, 2006

Today was great. I had the best day today. I had a really cute surprise.. I enjoyed the whole of today. How many times have i said that? Lol.. Great... My dad just won money in mahjong with my mom, Wilson, and Clarissa. And we have a treat tonight!! "KA-TOH-JIAN"... Wooohoooo!! My fave curry rice!! It is DA BOMB!!! Yummy~~

Aite. So Mid-Autumn festival has just passed. And i think i dun really fancy mooncakes anymore. They make me wanna puke just after 3 mouths... Yhucks! OKAY! I gtg... Blog soon! BYE!
Thursday, October 05, 2006

Wow .. It's been eons since i last blogged... Nobody reads this now.. Im so sad... Lol.. Bleah! Aite. Wow.. I have NO idea what to blog about. Let's start with O levels. It is COMING!! It is approaching so damn quickly i think i can see my whole life fly pass me. Lol. Night class have started. My company and I havent been attending the lessons but instead we just did our own work at the canteen where its so much more peaceful. I just realise i can study better at night. Especialy when im with my friends. My mood is light and things actually do get into my brain. unlike in the morning or afternoon where no shit gets in except dreams. Cos i sleep most of the day away. Im a night animal. I can't deny that.

Many things happened recently. Not only to me. It seems like everyone's stressing out. Be it friendships or studies or love. There's a never ending line of troubles for everyone to deal with. Gosh. I hope they'll stop for awhile. I need a breather. I've been taking long walks lately. One, its good for exercising purposes. Two, it's good for my mind cos when i walk quiet and dark routes home, i feel peaceful. Like nothing can harm me. Except maybe a flasher hiding at a corner. Oh wells, i have no idea what so nice about flashing your saggy willy to girls who have seen much better. Doesn't it make you feel worse instead of accomplished? Stupid flashers. Die faster.

It's the Puasa month. Tmr's Mid-autumn festival. I wonder if ill be able to Puasa tmr. My family doesn't know that i Puasa. My mom would just freak and think im turning Muslim. They don't like me being so un-chinese sometimes. They think im trying to change to become someone im not. Well, maybe im just more comfortable this way. Who knows? Blah lah. Anyways, yeah. I can't wait for Hari Raya... I dunno. Even though it's O levels and i doubt my friends will go jalan raya. I still kinda enjoy that festival. I can always smell the rendang a mile away. Lol. It's a wonderful scent i cannot resist. =) So to all those people who puasa SELAMT BERPUASA! And don't forget to study hard for O's! Just bcos you're fasting doesnt give you the excuse to not study. Lol. Im afraid for my O's. Only now do i feel the tension within myself.

Im trying my very best to do as much work as i can. But a sudden change is very difficult for me to achieve. But im trying. Im trying to erm, MUG? Lol. Someone says i should try cupping instead of mugging. Lol. It's one of the lamest joke i've heard all month. Lol. But i laughed anyways. Haha. It's hard to find entertainment these days. My days are getting more boring by the day. I have nth to do. It's either sleep, do work, talk on the phone, walk around, use the comp, watch tv, sleep. There's really nth more to that except the daily do's... Im bored. REAL bored...

I wanna work. I wanna earn money.. I feel broke. even though im not. I wanna put some extra KACHING $ into my account to make me feel rich and feel safe using money.. No idea why but recently whenever i use money i go OH SHIT! PLEASE SAY I STILL HAVE TEN THOUSAND IN MY ACCOUNT!! Lol.. No lah.. Where got so much??!?!?! I just feel a whole lot of pinchy feeling when i use money now. I dun even wanna top my my EZ-link card! I feel broke. I wanna work and at least up my account numbers!! BLUEAH!!! I NEED WORK TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!! Actually its more of, i need to spend. I need to treat myself to good food. I just realise that makes me feel loads better when im down. Eating great wonderful expensive food. Lol. Im sucha spendthrift. Haha. Who gives a shit...

Aite. I gues sthats all for now. Im tired.. BLueah!