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mandy-low @blogspot.com ♥
Thursday, June 26, 2008

I still miss her... my grandma.. At least once a day, or whenever i see old ladies walking around... Or when i see children with their grandma.. I think of my grandma.. and i still feel like im missing something.... Wish she can see more of me than she saw... Because there IS more to me than she saw.... I never knew what it's like to really talk to my grandma.... We had too many things in different... But now i realise i should have tallked to her... talked.. not just casually... But i should have asked her how she felt..... about things... anhything...... I miss her... terribly...

Well i haven't been updating because i've been quite busy with school work and other stuffs.... Allen birthday just passed... I actually planned something up to try and make it as special as it can be but due to unforeseen circumstances i guess it was sort of spoiled.... Lets not talk about that... Im just happy i spent it with him... There were some problems at home this month too... I guess they think that im the cause for this problem. I blew it up, IM immature, IM inconsiderate, IM just like him(my dad).. What exactly that means, i have no idea... But i guess we all said things that just hurt... Im not holdimng a grudge here.. I guess girls just get over hurt harder than guys.....

Today vignesh's sick and not in school. Which leaves me slightly lost and lonely. Im glad Kenneth agreed to meet me later on. I need some friend's company right now. Im listening to BEYOND songs, which i dunno why, in what way, reminds me alot of sad memories.... Especially of my grandma..... I keep remembering her last few months... Those that saw us spending as much time as we can to help her slow down the deterioration of her health.. Those that saw us doing everything we can to help her. And knowing that she knows her time is up yet she's sort of afraid.... Seeing the once strong and lively grandma i use to have, now weak and dying.. thinking about it gets me all teary eyed again. Fuck.... I remember when i was young , she went on stage for some face painting competition and she hopped and jump and she got the first prize... That was my grandma.. The grandma im so proud to have.. Not alot of people feel that way about their grandma.... =) But i do.... I know i do....

Work today, again... Im getting really sick of working.... .Really really....

I cut my hair short just yesterday.. The lady did a concave for me saying it will add volume. But now it sort of looks like it has TOO much volume. Its ok ill live with it. Im just so sick of long hair. I look at it and im so bored of long hair so i decided to cut it short. With the approval from the boyf. That for months refused to let me do it because he cant bear to leave the hair... MY HAIR!!! gosh.. Well i look okay lah.. just the same.. not like i haventhad short hair before. The lady said i have REALY REALLY oily hair though. She recommended some stuff.. Which i didnt know what... So i dunno. But i know i have oily hair... Really... Every hair dresser tells me that... =( HOW ??

Work today seems ok. But everybody seems stuck. At least i know i contributed. At least a little.. Even if it doesnt help much.... Hais.. MY PROJECT!!! Im not even done with the front page. Let alone the damn layout and outline and content. Im screwed. Dateline in september and i absolutely have no inspiration or motivation to do it.... Really.. Im gonna flunk this shit if i dun start soon. Or NOW!! Dammit.... how do i do this....? HOW??? i feel like such a loser. I dunno how to do.. Dunno how to start... Dunno who to ask for help.... =( I feel like quitting school... Knn....

Ok. I guess thats all i have to say... So many little things i left out. But i guess those arent as important then.... Farhan been msging me.... Said that still loves me and always will i guess.. I dunno.... it seems so much like a prank.... But im happy. Because it completed the break up.. I finally know i won... I finally know i was right all along.. And the problem wasnt entirely with me.... I wasnt the cause of him being that way.... And i know, he lost... Just makes me feel... SUPER!! =)) I know im mean in that way.. Gosh you must feel for me k? Cos i been thru enough. And one year later he decides to tell me he still love me? Tell me how unfair that is..... He left me with nothing to work with.... i picked myself up in one year.. And finally am happy now... Now he tells me he dunno what he wants from telling me...? What? im not gonna think for him anymore... My life's good... better.. much MUCH better...