I realised while on the way to work the other day why women are paranoid.

MAYBE, just MAYBE, its because,

We think that you're so amazing. The way you swept us off our feet, the way we think you're so sweet and wonderful, how your stupidity makes us only want you more, and what a jerk you are, blah blah blah. Its just because we're afraid. Afraid that another women, be it you did it on purpose or you didnt even mean anything at all, would fall for you just as how we fell for you. We're afraid that you might unknowingly, help someone to fall in love with you, and then get tempted when she does. New and fresh things ALWAYS sparks up some emotions. We're just afriad that the "new and fresh" thing will spark up the wrong kind of emotions.

So we get paranoid. at the SLIGHTEST things. Like when you talk to another girl with such gentle tone and but you talk to another person with a much harsher tone. although it might just be of second nature to you. to us, it may seem that you're trying to help somebody to fall in love with your sweetness. girls like special because special is well, its what makes us feel special. We get paranoid because we love and don't want to lose.

One thing though i do not understand. Why don't guys see it or feel it the same way as us? do they know something that we don't know? Love is a funny thing. Everytime i think about love i feel funny all over. Not in the dirty sense but funny like weird. Like i just cant, fucking figure it out.

Well, school is really a bitch recently. I CANNOT wait to finish school and get into the outside world. Be a free woman. Feel so locked up. Like im doing things that i hate to do but gotta do. and i don't have a choice. Not like i can school hop. Job hopping is convenient and easier than school hopping. You don't have to pay for a job. They pay you. You pay for school. Plus school is over rated. Doesn't mean you get into the best school you're the best students. And Rp is seriously a waste of time.

I hate having friends. The older i grow the lesser friends i have. Isn't it suppose to be the other way? And the older i get the lesser need for a friend occurs. I hate making new friends. Because news friends come new friends go. And sometimes the way they go is really fucked up. Im saying this probably because school, sucks.... I used to have friends in school Friends im proud to call friends. Friends i would gladly go to changi just to lepak with. Now, i don't have ANY friends in school worth that much to me. I tried to make friends. I did, my FYP team mates are considered my friends. I like them. But then again shit happens. So some friends dun always stay friends. And it sucks when its my fault. It sucks the same when its their fault. It just sucks entirely when JUST as you're becoming better friends, you end up NOT friends. Things always get smacked in the face all the way to the back and then you gotta start from scratch again. It's not a nice picture. I feel so anti-social. I wanna run away.

If i was a grown up, maybe i wouldn't feel like running away so much. Do grown up run away? do they wish they could give up? do they wish they could fuck it all and live without consequences? I wish....

Wedding to go to(not even my friend, allen's friend), friends gathering to go to(not even my friends, allen's friend), work, school, FYP presentation, facing people i wish i don't have to face, dealing with politics and problems and shits, and so much more. Ok, i may sound like i hate meeting allen's friends. But it's bcos i have a reason to. Amongst those friends come friends of his whom he have had some history with. History which somehow in far far away land affects me. So there're so many things. So many emotions. Wanna die..... k.. bye....