This is me. Call me CRAZY.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Grey's Anatomy

Arizona to Calliope

"But im here now,
And im staying.

Now,im not perfect.

But neither are you.

And you wanna talk about faults?

How about not being able to forgive?

At some point you're gonna have to forgive me.

It may as well be now.

Because i am in love with you.

and you are in love with me.

All im asking for is one more chance."

--------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes i wonder maybe i gave up to early.
Maybe if i held on a little longer.
My forgiveness would have came to me.
Maybe i backed out too early and failed to prove that i WAS committed to him.
And now, i guess its too late to even say the words "Let's start afresh"
Dont misunderstand.
Im not saying there's no chance at all that i might get a second chance.
But neither am i saying i may have a shot at it.
I am the constant variable.
I have no say.
My heart is still just for one.
But there's just no way to show it.

Because unlike in the shows.
I dont have the money to buy over the house just next door to his.
And i am not strong enough for as many more rejections he can give.
I just know, that if i go all out for it.
And in the case of a rejection.
I will fall... Fall soooo fucking deep...
So fucking deep into depression again that i might just wanna die.

And i am afraid.
Maybe in another way selfish. And cowardly.
But not for a second did it leave my mind.
That i still do love him.
And i still do want him back in my life.
And for every happy and sad romantic moments i see around me.
Be it on tv, in real life, or in story books.
My mind instinctively thinks of him.

I am a self-proclaimed romantic at times.
My mind thinks of such wonderful romantic things i can do to/with the person i love.
But there is no such person that wants to receive this affection.
I mean there is one that i love, but doesnt want this affections.
There are many that wants this affection,
but not the ones that i love.

Faaaaaarrrkkkkk...
I typed a whole long post and turns out only this was saved.
=( stupid internet... =(
fuck it.
Bottomline: Ill save the whining about love to my pms-ing days.

Bottombottomline:
I watched "The ghost must be crazy" with the boys last night.
T'was AWESOME!!!
I LURRRVE IT.
Thinking about it makes me happy-er... =D

So okays.Byes

Monday, January 10, 2011

YOU TAKE YOUR BROS...
YOU SHINE IT REEEEALLLL GOOOOOD....
AND SHOVE IT UP YOURS.....
Fucking retard...

I realise...
I like this song...
Cos... I feel this song...
I dunno if its the hormones talking..
But i miss you Allen..
I miss you so much and i wish things were different...

Sunday, January 09, 2011

So many things...
That make me want more happy juice.
Screw it all and drown myself with happy juice.

So yeah.
Haters come haters go.
Im sick of caring for people that only give a shit about themselves.
I guess like they say you cant please everyone.
No point trying all hard to make the person feel loved by you.
When you're not the person he needs/wants love from.
We all care about only ourselves from time to time.
I just dont get how you can keep doing the same shit to the same person that took so much of your bull.
Apparently all the bad things we say we wanna do?
We make sure we do it soon and do it quick.
so that we become credible for what we say.
But the good things we say we will do?
Suddenly fades far away when we're all down on ourselves.

I get it you know.
When we're all down and out we want people to make us feel better.
We wish they knew exactly what to say and do to make us feel better.
But shit doesnt go our way all the time and sometimes we bite the bullet.
Cos we know of the intentions behind the wrong things people say.
Some people take things the wrong way.
And sometimes we cant do anything about it.

But when you push it far and act all like i did something so wrong.
When i was just trying to joke around.
Who would fucking know you're being all down and under at that moment i made that joke?
Before that day when i made that joke initially everything was fine and dandy.
Until you decided to pick me as your scapegoat.
Someone to just throw your shit at.
normally? I would gladly take it.
Cos im proud to say that i love you and i treat you as someone important in my life.
But one shit too many.
I call quits.
I give up.
Call me stupid call me lame call me weak call me bitchy.
Call me whatever you want.
I cant pretend it doesnt hurt everytime you act like you're all that matters.
Im human too and i have feelings too.
And if you ever cared enough to ask.
I have problems too.
So here's it...
Here's another fucking goodbye that maybe you'll fucking hate or love.
Who knows... I dunno what or who i mean to you anymore...
you're not the only one that knows and can feel emotions.

Well, lets drop it.
Cos its over.
Another friendship loss.
Should be used to it by now..
I dunno why i always dwell myself into these sorrows.
Friendship never last.
I get toooo attached to friends i think will stay with me til i grow old.
And become successful and even when i have my own family.
I start to think that nth can shake that friendship.

Then? =)
BAM! Cant deny the fact.
True friends? BULLSHIT.
We beleive in true friends when we feel like there's no othe rpeople to believe in.
But when there's some other people that makes you feel better than your true friend makes you feel?
We immediately go for the next best thing...

Ok. Shit i said ill drop it .
So drop it.
Aite... Work still sucks as bad...
Hoping i can get to transfer to the sales department soon.
Get a small car.
Work hard for money.
I dunno whats my next road.

All i can think about now is how i can get some alcohol in my system.
And my scope consultation is tomorrow.
Which will suck cos i drank last night.
And my gastric is growling today.
And im planning to drink somemore tonight.
So screw whatever consultation.
Maybe the worser my condition is the better ill feel.
dont feel super helathy today.
Not physically. Not emotionally.

I wanna go back to Hatyai. :(
I wanna find comfort in the stupid little things that wont matter in my life in years to come.
Im sick of spending time mending things i hope will be mended soon because i want those things in my future.
think i need to evaluate some priorities in my life.
think i got them all jumbled up again.
And i think my number of friends that i still can count on?
Have gone down to a number i can count with less than half the fingers on my hands.

Argh.
fuck it.
So anyway.
Highlighted my hair blond.
Think it looks kinda cool.
I like it at times... ;)
Wanted it to be white higlights but they bleached my hair 2 tims and thats the best they could get. blond.. =/
guess no matter how hard i try ill only get to be a dumb blond.
unless i go brunette.
LOL. i wanted my head to look like a skunk/zebra crossing after my highlights.
But nah.. we dont get all the shits we want in life.
But somehow? We learn to GET OVER IT.
So cheers to getting over it.